Voiceless
by Senpai's Boo
Summary: Ayumi has after many years finally managed to get in a musical academy in Tokyo to fulfill her career as a singer! So many new possibilities are waiting for her! Or so it seems... Until she meets Yoshiki Kishinuma, the blonde boy who quickly caught her attention. She didn't know at first, but that boy was going to change her life for the better. And also perhaps... for the worse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: …. That was quick. Didn't think that I would come up with a new story this quickly. Oh well, that's kind of a lie XD Seriously, even before I wrote my first fanfic, this story was on my mind. But I never actually wrote it… Until today. This one will be a mix of 7 hours ahead and a little pain but with a lot more drama in it, so be prepared! I'll wait a week maybe, before I upload the next chapters (I haven't finished all of them yet XD) and because I want to… «tease» you guys…**

 ***thats wat she said***

 **But otherwise, plz be patient and plz enjoy the first chapter! ;3**

Woah. Finally here, eh? God, I'm already starting to feel nervous! For the 600th time, I looked at the sign that was printed on the middle of the porch. «Crescendo Academy; Tokyo's one and only Musical Academy.» Oooooh, I feel them shivers! I tightened my hand around the strap of my bag. I've worked so hard for this, and finally… the oppurtunity is right in front of me! I almost feel like I'm not worth it. No, I can't say that! I took a deep breath and forced myself to walk by the porch, towards the entrance.

…

Wow, there are so many students here! I looked around in the hallway, completely packed with people. All genders, from 19 to early twenties, I think. Resting my eyes on a group of girls, standing by some kind of vending machine. They're so stylish! I mean, they're totally rocking those checkered skirts and black knee socks! Crud, I know I should've worn something cuter… I sadly looked down at my purple top with spaghetti-straps and my knee-long, white and flowy skirt. Right beside the crowd of girls, I saw the reception. Guess I should ask for a map.

«Excuse me? Can I have a map, please?» I politely told the fine-looking lady behind the desk. «Ah, you must be a freshman! Your name?» she asked. «Ayumi Shinozaki,» I said. She nodded while messing around underneath her desk, a little absentmindely. She still has everything in order, even though so many new students have come. That would've been avoided if there weren't that many who wanted to study here. Thank God I got in…

She handed me a map and said: «Your class is in room 3A, at the 2nd floor. But first, there'll be a gathering for the freshmen in the assembly hall. Good luck!» «Thank you very much!» I said gratefully and looked to the right. A lot of students were going inside a huge room. The doors that led them to the room had a sign on them, saying: «Assembly Hall.» Well, that was easy! With the adrenaline pumping through my veins, my legs were shaking so badly that I tumbled and fell down on the floor.

«Oww…» I whined out. No no no, did I twist my ankle?! I tried moving my foot, searching for possible pain. It only hurts a bit… I'll survive. I brushed away some dirt from my skirt and tried to get up, before I heard a hoarse, yet gentle voice saying:

«Are you alright?»

I looked up, only to meet the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.

I couldn't even say anything when the blonde boy with the piercing pupils had reached out his arm towards me. My heart beat loudly in my chest as I stammered out: «Yeah… Thank you.» I shyly grabbed his hand, letting his strong and burly arm lift me up from the floor. My, he's really tall…

«Hehe… Sorry. I'm just really nervous, since it's my first day and all…» I said. He put his hands in his pockets and smiled casually while saying: «No kidding. It's my first day too.» I pressed my lips together, hiding an embarrassed smile. Even the way he talks is so attractive! He's really boyish… Casual, kind… He even smells really nice!

«Well… I'll see you around, then!» I said, clutching my hands against my chest and clumsily ran towards the assembly room. I just don't know what to do in that kind of situation. With such handsome boy… The easiest thing to do is just run away from the scene. I really hope he doesn't think I'm a weirdo now! «Be careful!» I heard him yell after me. I felt my cheeks grow warm when I heard that. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I wished from the bottom of my heart that I would meet him again sometime.

What the hell am I feeling…?

…

Disappointed, I went upstairs to the 2nd floor when the gathering was over. I didn't see the boy I met earlier… Dang it! He was so cool! I sighed, but my face lit up when I saw the door with a sign, saying: «3A.» Alright… This is it! I took a deep breath and went inside.

…

Oooh, it's like the classes in high school! But with way more desks! Our teacher, who was a young female sitting by her desk and preparing some documents. When she heard me walking in, she turned to me, smiled and said: «Welcome! Please, have a seat.»

Most of the students were already seated and they were all staring at the tiny girl who had just entered the room. I gave them a shy smile and hurriedly went to the first empty seat I found. After the awkwardness finally ended, the girl who sat next to me, turned to me and whispered: «You sure are a treat for people's eyes, huh?»

I turned my face to the side to look at her, seeing a really sweet-looking girl with big brown eyes and two curled pigtails hanging down on her shoulders. I was a bit surprised that she actually talked to me when she didn't even know me, but I felt really relieved too. This could be a great chance to make a friend here! Or, at least an acquantice.

«Really? I don't think there's anything special about me,» I said. The girl giggled and whispered: «Well, I didn't expect you to say "Yeah, I'm special and shit" either, considering how nice you look.» I laughed back at her comment and said: «I'm Ayumi Shinozaki.» The girl looked pleased at by the opening I gave her and replied back: «Seiko Shinohara. Wannabe composer.»

We stopped talking when the teacher clapped twice, making the entire bunch of students shut up.

«Welcome everyone! My name is Yui Shishido, and I will be teaching you some general genres in music. Otherwise, everyone have already signed up for specific studies such as singing, music composing and instrument lessons, right?»

Everyone nodded. In the application, you also had to apply for special lessons like singing and composing, including general lessons with our homeroom teacher. That was one of the things that made this academy special. I had applied for singing lessons, even though I were quite experienced with the piano and a little acoustic guitar too. But… singing was special. I have always loved singing. The way it makes me feel, I just… I kinda feel it in my fingertips.

«So, I figured that it would be nice if everyone could just introduce themselves! Let's start with you, on the end!» Yui sensei said and pointed at a boy on the end at the first row. I cocked my head to the side to see who it was and immediately froze when I recognized the blonde hair.

The boy got up and went next to Yui sensei. «I'm Yoshiki Kishinuma, and I'm gonna study composing and guitar playing,» he casually said. G-Geez, I'm getting nervous just looking at him! «Oh, it's that guy….» Seiko mumbled. «Huh, you know him?» I asked. Seiko nodded and explained: «We were classmates in high school. Or rather, rivals. But friends, I guess. We both want to be composers.»

Woah… Suddenly composing sounds so interesting! Noticing that I couldn't keep my eyes off him, Seiko grinned and whispered: «See something you like?»

I flinched and stuttered out: «W-What?! I just think he's kinda cool, that's all!» She laughed and started smacking her desk while laughing. I bit my lip. He's cool, yeah… And really good-looking. And really nice.

«Really? Would you mind playing a bit for us?» Yui sensei asked and pulled out a guitar from underneath her desk. He looked surprised, but grabbed the guitar and prepared his fingers. I didn't expect much from him, which led to my amazement when he almost violently played the acoustic guitar. His eyes were half-lidded and he slightly swung back and forth to the song as his fingers swiftly moved across the strings. The short minute seemed like hours. The second after he played the last tone, everybody including Yui sensei gave him a roaring applause.

«My goodness, how amazing! You're very talented, Kishinuma-san!» Yui sensei blurted out. He scratched the back of his neck and put the guitar down. Huh…? Could it be that he's shy? «Right, he's really good at playing the guitar. But his social skills… He's kinda quiet, but he's nice when he's talking,» Seiko said. Ah… It's weird, since he seemed really sociable when he helped me earlier.

Before I knew it, it was already my turn to introduce myself. I gulped and got up on my feet, walking towards Yui sensei. My legs were slightly shaking when I saw the entire class staring at me. I took a deep breath and said as calmly as I could: «My name is Ayumi Shinozaki, and… I'm going to study singing. I just really love singing and I've been told that I'm good.»

Gosh, I hope I didn't make a fool of me! Especially not in front of Kishinuma-kun… «Ah, is that so? Do you want to sing for us?» Yui sensei asked. My breath hitched and my back froze. I get embarrassed just performing in front of my parents! But… I have to take risks if I want to become a singer! I slowly nodded and asked the class: «Do you guys… have any song suggestions?»

The students looked at each other, some of them whispering. Some time did pass, before Kishinuma-kun raised his hand. Oh no, why did he have to come with one!? Alright… Stay calm… «Yes? Um… Kishinuma-kun, right?» I said. He breathed out a laugh and said:

« _My soul, your beats_ , by Lia.»

Oh… My heart started fluttering when I heard the title. He cocked his head to the side and asked: «Do you even know the lyrics? The song is really hard to sing too, y'know.» I giggled and said: «I do. It's actually one of my dear favourites. And I'm willing to take a challenge!» He looked surprised at my answer but smirked and allowed me to start. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to imagine the place being completely empty.

Just me…

No one else…

Just me, singing in my room with the door locked…

Those thoughts were ringing in my head while I was forming out the words with my lips and voice. This is what I mean when I say that I can feel the music in my fingertips. I just feel like the music goes through my entire body and I become an instrument. After singing out the last word and finally opened my eyes, everyone looked completely stunned.

«Woah…» Seiko breathed out. I looked downwards when I felt my cheeks getting red and getting even redder when I heard an enormous applause fill the classroom. «Oh my goodness, you have such a gorgeous voice!» Yui sensei almost yelled out. «Th-Thank you very much…» I shyly said and quickly went back to my seat.

«Holy mother have mercy! I can't believe you can sing like that!» Seiko whispered. I gave her a crooked smile and twiddled my thumbs. «Even guitar-god seemed completely stunned,» she said and gave me a mischevious grin.

I blushed at her quote. I guess… I want him to think that I'm a good singer… Maybe I sort of have a crush on him…? No, I shouldn't fall in love with someone so quickly! He could be a really horrendous person on the inside, who knows?! But, still…

… I want to know more about Yoshiki Kishinuma.

 **A/N: Alright, plz review your thoughts on the first chapter! Like I said, I have to finish the other chapters before I update this story, so just remain patient everyone! UNTIL THEN ;3**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yaaaaz, I've finally finished all of the chapters! Just please understand that I've worked REALLY hard just to finish them before this week ended! SO BE GRATEFUL BISH! Jk, but yeah… XD Anyways, PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Have a nice day everyone! I hope you've enjoyed your first singing lesson!» Onizaki-sensei, our vocal-coach said. After 4 hours of lessons with Yui sensei, I went to the singing class. I had a lot of fun and Onizaki-sensei is a really good teacher! Oh, my throat feels really sore. It feels like I've swallowed a tub of sand from the Sahara-desert. After coughing a couple of times, I packed my bag and left the room.

«Hey, Ayumi! Over here!» I heard Seiko yell as she was standing by the assembly hall, waiting for me. I smiled gratefully at her. Thank god I at least have made one friend around here! I ran to her while laughing at the way she was waving at me.

«So, how was the composing lesson?» I asked. Seiko sighed irritated and muttered: «Kishinuma completely stole the spotlight when he showed us one of the songs he had composed from before. Like geez, who the hell does he think he is?!»

«What? Has he already composed a few songs?» I asked, surprised. I thought he was a freshman… Or maybe it's his hobby to compose songs? That is so cool! «Yeah, but most of them only contain the acoustic guitar and maybe some bass and electric guitar. Oh, and none of them have texts. Totally overrrated if you ask me. Seriously, he's been making songs ever since high school! I don't get why he started here in the first place!» Seiko complained like a little kid.

Taking a break from the pouting, she took a deep breath and asked: «What about you?» She had asked me that while I was getting some iced lime tea from the vending machine. «Ah… Our vocal coach was a great one! But after singing for so many hours, I seriously need something to drink,» I said and grabbed the can when it came out.

«Well well, singing sure is an art. Especially when you have a voice like yourself, Ayumi,» Seiko said and smirked at me. Gosh, she's acting like a womanizer! «That's really sweet… But there were a lot of great singers there, so I felt really discouraged,» I bashfully admitted. Seiko laughed and said: «How cute! But y'know, you'll meet challenges wherever you go. Not just in singing, but everything! It doesn't matter if others are better than you, as long as you know that you've made yourself proud.»

«Seiko… Thanks a lot,» I said, smiling at her. She actually made me feel a lot better about myself. Who would've known that she was a philosopher? «Well then, should we go home?» I suggested. She nodded and went ahead of me to the exit.

…

«Hey, are you sure? It is dangerous to take the train when it's so dark!» Seiko said, concerned. She did have a point. Being November and all, it was dark at 5 pm. And who knows, there may be a lot of rapists and burglars around here! I nodded confidently at her and said: «I have pepper spray if anyone tries to attack me. Besides, I'm quite strong!» I flexed my barely visible muscles, making Seiko choke down her laugh. «Alright alright, wonderwoman. Just call me whenever you want,» she said and winked. I giggled, thanked her and started walking down the short-cut that led to the train station.

…

Is it just me, or…? Yeah, there is someone behind me isn't there?! I gulped and started walking a bit faster. Could it be an older man? Maybe I've had a stalker who has been stalking me for days? Weeks? Months? Years? DECADES?! Unable to escape the loud sounds of footsteps coming up behind me, I tightly clenched my eyes together and shrieked:

«KYAAAAAA!»

«Err… Hi…?»

My facial expression went from pure fear to pure embarrassment when I recognized the voice. When I did so, I quickly opened my eyes and straightened up my back. Seeing Kishinuma-kun's confused expression I bursted out laughing.

«Ahahaha! Kishinuma-kun, it was you! Thank god, I'm so sorry!» I blurted out. «Don't worry, I'm not a pervert, Rolling girl,» he muttered out, but gave me a kind smile. «Rolling girl?» I repeated. Did he just give me a nickname?! «Oh yeah, Shinozaki's your name, am I right?» he asked. Oh my god…! My heart fluttered when my last name rolled off his tongue. He actually remembered my name!

«Y-Yeah, it is… But if you prefer calling me Rolling girl, then go ahead!» I reassured him. He furrowed his eyebrows together and chuckled. «What's that supposed to mean? I was just joking. I mean, the way you rolled on the ground this morning was really fun to look at,» he said while laughing. I guess he kinda showed his introverted side just now, like Seiko mentioned.

«But still… This way doesn't have many people. It's really dangerous to walk alone at night,» he said, almost scoldingly. Woah… He's so caring too! «I know that, but it's a shorter way to the station. If I don't hurry, I might miss the last train,» I explained. His eyes slightly widened. «Sounds like we're going the same way, then. We better hurry!» he said and prepared himself to run.

Is… Is this an oppurtunity from God? I didn't have time to try to find out why this was happening. «O-Okay!» I blurted out and quickly followed him as we ran the fastest we could to the train station.

…

«Haaaa… Thank god we made it!» I panted out, exhausted from the long run I had with Kishinuma-kun. He didn't say anything though. He was panting very loudly and was apparently way too tired to answer me. But when he finally got his breath back, I took the oppurtunity and tried to start a coversation with him.

«In which station do you get off, Kishinuma-kun?» I asked. Huh…? Does he look… fidgety? «Err… The third. You?» he asked. My heart lightly sunk down to the pit of my stomach in disappointment, but I tried my best to hide it. «The second one,» I replied. He sighed, sounding relieved. Come on, that's just so cold…

«Oh. But is it okay to go alone from the station to your home?» he asked concerned, making the past quote's coldness thaw. «Yes! I live in the apartment complex across from the station. I should be fine,» I said. «Really? That's a relief,» he said and sighed again. I felt a blush plaster across my face. I can't believe he's this concerned about me…

«Thank you very much… You're really kind,» I said and smiled gratefully at him. After just a brief eye-contact, he quickly turned away from me, avoiding my gaze. Why… does he seem so distant? That simple question repeatedly rang through my mind from the second I stepped out of the train until I closed the door to my apartment behind me.

…

Haaaaa… It feels so nice to finally be home! I threw my bag on the couch and sat back, relaxed. I should probably make myself something soon… Fried duck breast, perhaps? Hell yes… And then take a bath! I got up, preparing myself to make myself some dinner, my eyes got distracted by the huge piano in my bedroom. The door to my room was open, so I could clearly see the huge, old-fashioned and black piano.

I don't what it was that made me get up and sit down by the piano and rest my fingers on the tangents. My mind got flashed with the images of Kishinuma-kun before I sang My Soul, Your Beats in front of everybody. I almost felt like I was having the same experience all over again. Completely hypnothized by the memory, I started playing the same song and singing the same lyrics.

Once again… I can feel it in my fingertips. The music was like a drug that created a barrier around me and the instrument, keeping reality away from me as far as possible. I forgot my hunger and my fatigue. If only I could just keep singing like this… forever. I want to sing, until my lungs start burning for a break. Until my heart is satisfied. Until everyone can be happy by just hearing me sing.

I really… I really love singing.

 **A/N: I really hope you enjoyed! Maybe these first two chapters are kinda slow, but the plot will take off EXTREMELY in chapter 3 and up, so BE PREPAAAAAAARED! (Yes, I love the lion king) UNTIL THEN ;3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter 3 is up! This story will from now turn to the dramatic side… PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Morning beautiful!» Seiko said and waved to me the moment she saw me by the door to our classroom. I waved back and sat down on my seat, putting my bag down on my desk. Looking down at the first row, I saw Kishinuma-kun messing around with a recording device.

«Good morning, Kishinuma-kun!» I said, waving at him. I decided to be a bit bolder and actually greet him like normal friends. He turned around and bashfully smiled at me. «Mornin' Rolling girl,» he said, grinning. Hehe… Rolling girl.

«So, no erotic situations last night?» Seiko asked, smirking. I laughed and shook my head. «I thought there were someone behind me, but turned out that person was Kishinuma-kun. We ended up taking the same train, so nothing happened,» I reassured her.

Seiko's eyes widened. «Kishinuma, huh? Was he stalking you?» she asked. «W-What? No, we were just walking the same way!» I blurted out, violently shaking my hands. I seriously don't know why that made me that upset.

«Ah well…» she breathed out and giggled. «If he did do something to you, his girl definitely would've found out somehow.»

An electric stream of shock went down my spine.

Seiko giggled at my shocked expression and asked: «Girl, don't tell me you were THAT shocked. What did you expect?» I guess… He's popular. No wonder that he would have a girlfriend. But still… My heart tightened when I processed the fact. It hurts so much to know that…!

She sighed at me and gently stroked my shoulder: «Sorry sorry… But I had to say it anytime soon, before you got more hurt than you're now.» Yeah… She's right. I tried to process the fact, but the naïve part of me didn't believe Seiko at all. She must be joking. Yeah, she knows that I have a thing for him, so she must be playing a prank on me or something, right? Yeah, that has to be it!

Yui sensei clapped her hands, allowing herself to begin her lesson.

…

«Sorry Seiko, I need some air. See you later!» I blurted out the moment lunch break started. «Alright. Seeya!» Seiko said, allowing me to leave.

I hadn't really throughly explored this academy, so I decided to walk around a bit. Even during class, I was still really shaken up after those news from Seiko.

 _«If he did do something to you, his girl definitely would've found out somehow.»_

Ugh, I need to stop depressing myself… And I have to work after school too. Why can't I just be satisfied by being his friend? Why can't I just get over it? Distracted by my own thoughts, I didn't realize that I had walked into the composion classroom.

However, I didn't realize that until I opened the door and saw Kishinuma-kun playing his guitar.

He looked up, stopped playing and blurted out: «Rolling girl? What's up?» Oh god. There's no escaping now. I closed the door behind me and said: «Nothing special. Can I just… stay here?» I don't really know why I made that sound like a question. «Sure,» he mumbled and continued playing like nothing had happened.

The classroom was really similar to the singing classroom. Except that there were several different instruments hanging on the walls and the two pianos by the teacher's desk. «Do you hang out here every lunch break?» I asked. He didn't stop playing as he answered: «Whenever I get the chance to play, I jump into it.» «Ah, nice…» I almost sung out and giggled. Closely looking at him, I noticed that he was wearing a choker with a lock on it.

«Woah, that's such a cool choker! Where'd you get it?» I asked. He looked suprised at my question and looked downwards at the lock on it. «Oh… Thanks. It was a gift,» he said. I nodded understandingly. A part of me thought that he got it from his girlfriend. N-No, what am I thinking?! Seiko was just joking…!

We remained quiet, only listening to the song he repeatedly played over and over again. He played it so many times that it didn't take me long to know it by heart. I pulled out a chair from one of the desks and sat down next to him. It was so tempting to sing with that lovely song in the background, even without lyrics. Giving into my want, I opened my mouth and started singing with the chorus.

But the moment I started singing, Kishinuma-kun stopped playing.

«Huh…?» I turned to him and flinched when I saw a grim expression on his face for the first time. «Why… Why did you stop?» I asked hesitantly. His bangs were covering his eyes.

«I won't let anyone sing that song… My song,» he said. His song… «Um… What about any of your other songs?» I asked. He breathed out a laugh and nodded. «That's alright. Just not _that_ song,» he replied. «Why not?» I asked. Kishinuma-kun sighed, really frustrated.

«Sorry… Maybe I shouldn't have asked that,» I mumbled. Kishinuma-kun shook his head and said: «That's not it… It's just kinda complicated. The easiest way to explain it, is that I'm waiting for someone special to sing it.»

Someone…special? «But… You can't stop someone who loves singing from singing a certain song,» I said. «Huh?» he said. I sighed and muttered: «For me, singing is a way to express feelings that my body language and verbal language can't. Feelings that don't need words to describe them. If I can't be able to do that… I'll feel trapped in my own body.»

«Shinozaki… Is that so?» Kishinuma-kun asked, looking amazed. His reaction let me out of my trance. «S-Sorry! I'll just go…» I blurted out and started running out.

«Wait!»

His yell flicked a switch in my mind and I automatically stopped. «… I'll see you around,» he ended up saying. I smiled to myself and nodded. «Bye… Kishinuma-kun,» I muttered and went back to class.

…

Haaaa… Okay, it's just a three hour long shift. I'll get through this! A new employee is starting today, so my boss asked me to teach him the basics. Alright, I'll do my best! I put on my waitress uniform and put my hair back before going out of the wardrobe and into the resturant.

I was about to serve a table, before I saw Boss walking towards me with a familiar figure walking next to him. W-Whaa… No… It can't be…

«Ah, Shinozaki-san! Here's the new employee, Yoshiki Kishinuma-san!»

My eyes widened when me and Kishinuma-kun's eyes met. «K-Kishinuma-kun!? What a surprise!» I blurted out, pointing at him. «Hah, yeah! So, you're working here too, huh?» he said. «Oh, you guys are friends?» Boss assumed. «Ah, we go to the same academy,» I explained. «Well, that's great! You'll co-operate better then, no?» he asked. «I guess. Better than being strangers, though,» Kishinuma-kun said. I nodded. «Excellent, excellent… Alright, just teach him the basics Shinozaki-san. I trust you,» Boss said and left.

Kishinuma-kun grinned and said: «Well then, teach me everything, master.» I giggled and nodded at him.

…

«Sigh, such a busy evening… Is it like this every single night?» Kishinuma-kun asked, cleaning one of the last tables of tonight. He picked up the basics really quickly, so he wasn't a pain in the ass. «It is a family resturant, but I think today was special, Kishinuma-kun,» I replied.

«Geez, will you stop that already? Can't you just call me "Yoshiki"? he asked irritated. I turned around with widened eyes. His first name… «Is that really okay? Can I call you by your first name?!» I asked, louder than expected. He chuckled and nodded. «We're friends now, aren't we?» he asked. A warm feeling of joy spread out in my heart and I almost felt like crying.

«Yeah…»

…

While changing into my everyday clothes, I noticed a pair of short heels that I had left here a few days ago. Those are really hard to run with. I remember I lost the last train one time because I was wearing those… Then, a really selfish thought came up in my mind.

And so, I put on those heels and went outside to the train station, accompanied by Yoshiki.

…

«Oh no!» I yelled out while we were running up the stairs to the train. Yoshiki was several meters ahead of me when I felt my shoe fall off my feet. «I lost a shoe!» I yelled behind hm. «Eh?» he mumbled and turned around.

«I'm sorry Yoshiki!» I yelled, still feeling tingly when I said his first name. «Just go ahead! The last train is about to leave!» «What?!» he yelled surprised. I went downstairs and grabbed my shoe, expecting Yoshiki to run ahead of me. That's why I almost got a heart attack when I saw him sitting on the staircase, waiting for me even when the train had already left.

«Yoshiki…» I whispered out. He actually waited for me… Yoshiki furrowed his eyebrows together and muttered: «If you knew that you'd have to run for the last train… Why did you wear heels?»

I didn't want to lie to Yoshiki. I don't know if Seiko was lying about him having a girlfriend. But I know that… I want him to be aware of my feelings.

I looked into his eyes and said:

«I did it on purpose.»

His eyes widened and I could see a hint of red show on his cheeks. The mood immediately changed though, when his phone started to ring from his pocket. He jumped and picked up the phone, his face slightly darkening when he looked at the screen. He answered the call and said: «Hello?» I could faintly hear a woman's voice at the other end.

«Yoshiki! Did something happen? I stopped by your place a minute ago and you weren't there!»

My heart completely skipped a beat when I thought I knew who it was. «Yeah sorry… I'll get home in a while, so don't worry,» he said. His loving words through the phone were a million knives that pierced through my heart so many times. But my heart didn't bleed. I didn't scream. I didn't cry, no matter how much it hurt. I just… bared with it. But truthfully…

… I just wanted to scream out all of my feelings.

…

«Here, money for the cab,» I said and handed him 1000 yen as he was sitting down in a cab, about to leave. «Oh, you don't have to. You apartment is on the way,» he said. «I know that… But it was my fault that we missed the train,» I said. «I told you, it's okay,» he said, almost irritated. I sighed as I thought back on just a few minutes earlier.

«Yoshiki…» I whispered. «The one who called you earlier… was your girlfriend, right?» I asked. He looked up at me, some forlorn sadness in his eyes. I gave him a forced smile and said:

«I'm not letting a guy with a girlfriend do favours for me.»

He furrowed his eyebrows together at me as I forced the money into his palm and closed it. «Goodnight,» I sternly said turned around, letting him close the door and drive home.

That was it. Everything I'd held back came bursting out at that moment. I can't lie to myself anymore. From the moment Seiko told me that he was dating somebody, I clearly knew that she wasn't lying. But for some reason, I kept hoping. Yoshiki is already taken. I can't have him.

Saddened, I fell onto my knees and covered my mouth and nose when I felt hot tears build up in my eyes, streaming down in waterfalls. I don't want to accept it. Never ever. But that won't change the truth.

Yoshiki is already taken.

I can't get between him and his girlfriend.

I can't ever have him.

And… I am so heart-wrenchingly in love with him.

 **A/N: Aw… We all know that feeling, don't we DX Hope you enjoyed though! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Chapter 4 is up! Please enjoy! …. Well, that's out of character. I meant PLZ ENJOY ;3**

I had completely cried myself to sleep last night. But when I woke up, I was finally all out of tears. If I go to the academy like this, Seiko will just keep questioning me. I washed my face and combed my hair, preparing myself.

…

On the entire way to the train station, I had Yoshiki's song on my mind. It may have been a really simple one, but a song that pierced itself into my mind and heart the moment he first had finished playing it. While looking out of the window by the train seat, I quietly hummed the song.

Absentmindely, I started making up lyrics that didn't even make sense. But if my mind was cleared out of the depression, I may have made a proper text for it. I didn't care if Yoshiki didn't allow me to sing it. I'll sing it… as many times as I want.

…

«Morning, Ayumi!» Seko said, not noticing me before I sat down on my seat. «Good morning!» I said. Hmm… I looked down at the first row, not seeing Yoshiki. Where is he?

«Um, Seiko? Have you seen Yoshiki today?» I asked. Seiko poked out her bottom lip and muttered: « "Yoshiki?" Are you two already on first name basis?» «Ah…» Right, I haven't told her yet.

«Turned out that we work at the same place. He said that it was okay to call him by his first name, so I just kinda went with the flow,» I explained. «Oh… Yeah, I was with him earlier today. And then he met a girl he knew. She seemed like she wanted to talk with him alone, so I left,» she replied.

A girl… He knew?

«Oh…» I sighed, understanding who she meant. Seiko's eyes widened and she blurted out: «No no, it wasn't his girlfriend! It was one of his friends from college, I think. Don't worry.» Oh gosh, that was kinda a relief.

«S-Seiko!I don't have any particular feelings for him! He's just a friend,» I said. Seiko glared at me as if she was angry and almost yelled: «Hun, what are you saying?! It's so obvious!» Oh no… My cheeks immediately heated up.

Seiko sighed and said: «Honestly, I was surprised that Yoshiki hadn't broken up with his girlfriend already. It's kinda clear that she's constantly asking him if he's cheating, having a few female friends and all.»

«Is that so…» I muttered. But, I can't imagine him being unhappy in his relationship. And I wonder what his girlfriend looks like. Seiko noticed that I was feeling down, gave me a small smile and said: «Y'know Ayumi… I've been wanting to tell you this, but I was scared that it would be like pouring salt on the wound.»

«Huh…? What is it?» I asked. Seiko smiled and said: «I've been Yoshiki's friend for over 4 years, and I might know him better than most. That's why I'm 100 percent sure that Yoshiki was trying to hide the fact that he had a girlfriend for you.»

«A-… Are you serious?» I asked. Seiko nodded. «Also, Yoshiki's type has always been kind, cute and fragile girls. Much like yourself,» she added. I tried to prevent myself from getting my hopes up. Even after saying that, Yoshiki still has a girlfriend. He won't fall in love with me…

«You have such a soft heart, Ayumi. Why don't you give him up and go out with me instead? I'll take care of you,» Seiko said, smirking at me. I giggled and said: «Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll stick to boys.» A few minutes went by, when Seiko said:

«By the way, there'll be a concert in a few weeks were freshmen can perform. I definitely think you should sing that evening! You'll blow everyone away!» «Oh, really? Hm, I'll consider it!» I said. Ah, what am I saying! There's no way I won't perform!

It was still about 20 minutes until class started, so I decided to go out to get some air.

…

Just by the exit, I almost got a heart attack when I saw Yoshiki talking with a girl. A girl with short, dark-blue hair and red glasses and a very angry look in her eyes. Could she be his friend? I stepped back but got close enough to hear what they were saying.

«Don't try to justify yourself! I'm sure you wanted to hide Azusa so that you could end up dating both. I mean, you're already halfway through.»

«Naho! What are you talking about?!»

«Y'know, the problem about you Yoshiki, is that you let yourself desire too easily. And before you know it, you end up in a situation where you have to break a heart or two!»

«Yeah… I think I did hurt her…»

Wait, are they talking about me? How does his friend know about me? After Yoshiki's last quote, the girl named Naho got even more pissed.

«Of course she's hurt, you pumpkin-head! This Shinozaki-girl is in love with you, isn't she?! From the way you described her reactions, it's pretty clear that she likes you!»

Oh no… Even people who don't know me know that I like him?!

«W-Whaa… No way. It could be that I'm imagining things. 'Cause, she didn't straight up tell me that she liked me. And even after, she still acts like a friend.»

Naho groaned and mumbled irritated before she prepared herself to leave:

«I can't believe I came here instead of going back to my actual school just to talk to a thick-headed moron like you. Mentally, you haven't changed since college.»

«Come on, Naho! Instead of saying things like that, can't you give me some advice? How do I fix this if I've hurt her?!»

«Stop seeing her! The more time you spend with her, the deeper the wound will be, get it?!»

«Yeah, but we go to the same university and we work at the same place…»

«Hey! Haven't you thought about spending some more time with Azusa?!»

Azusa… So that's what his girlfriends' name is. Yoshiki put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the grown.

«Or… Could Shinozaki be more important to you than Azusa?»

«W-What?»

Naho sighed and said:

«I understand that you're tired with Azusa and that you've finally found peace with Shinozaki.»

«Peace?! Oh… That's the thing, Naho. It's true that I feel peaceful when I'm with her.»

«But you knew that Azusa was a tiring girl when you started dating her! Like come on, she even put a lock on you!»

Naho pointed at Yoshiki's chocker. Oh… So I was right. From what I understood, Azusa gave that to him to tell everyone that he was only his… Gosh.

He tightly clenched his fists. «You don't understand, Naho… Azusa, she… She…!» He hesitated. «What's wrong?» Naho asked. He shook his head. «You won't believe me…»

…

After Naho left, I saw Yoshiki sighing. Naho… She's a good person. She seemed strict, but she only wanted to knock some sense into him. Then, before I knew it, Yoshiki turned around and jumped when he noticed me.

«Kya! Y-Yoshiki, I'm so sorry!» I blurted out. «How long have you been here?» he asked, completely panicking. «U-Um…» Panicking myself, I yelled too much:

«I'M SORRY! I didn't mean to spy on your coversation! But when I heard you two talking, I just couldn't move!»

His eyes widened and he yelled back: «Okay, but since when?!» I couldn't think straight, so I just said the part I remembered best:

«Of course she's hurt, you pumpkin-head! This Shinozaki-girl is in love with you, isn't she?!»

It was almost as if he had turned into a statue. «I'm sorry!» I repeated. He broke out of his trance and said: «No! The one who should be sorry is myself. Seeya!»

And before I knew it, Yoshiki was already running towards our classroom.

 _Stop seeing her! The more time you spend with her, the deeper the wound will be, get it?!_

…

I didn't see Yoshiki during class, but I did when I was at work. But as I expected, we didn't talk much. But still, I want to wait for him so that we can run to the last train together like usual. I was changing into my sneakers in the wardrobe when my co-worker asked:

«Say Shinozaki-san, you always come to work with those super-cute high heels. Why do you change into your sneakers when you leave?» «Oh… It's because I have to run to get to the last train.»

…

The moment Yoshiki noticed me by the stairs to the train station, I smiled at him. Did he actually wait for me? I guess… He does care about me in a weird way. But however, I didn't want to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.

«Thanks for waiting for me! Let's hurry!» I said when I reached him. But without warning, he grabbed my arm and said: «Wait, Shinozaki! I gotta talk to you!»

Already knowing what he wanted to talk to me about, I looked down towards his shoes. To tell the truth, I did want to talk with him. I just didn't want to force it. But now, as he actually started the coversation…

«Will you hear me out?» I asked. «If we miss the train, I'll pay for a taxi.» Yoshiki looked at me for a moment and nodded. Alright… I don't know if I'll ever get a chance like this. G-Geez, why am I getting teary-eyed!? I can't just say «I wanna break up», when we're not even dating! He's troubled about this too. Struggling to find words, I let two tears stream down my cheeks. His eyes widened and he looked at me sadly. I covered my mouth in shame.

«I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!» he blurted out and almost bowed to me. I tightly closed my eyes and whispered: «It's not your fault at all, Yoshiki… I'm the one who… I'm the one who got carried away all by myself.»

I couldn't stop my tears from overflowing as I continued whispering:

«I… I'll try not to embarass you… I swear I won't disturb you and your girlfriend. So I beg you… even if we're just friends…»

I raised my face and stared into his eyes as I yelled:

«Don't tell me that you don't want to see me again!»

«Ayumi…»

The way my name just rolled off his tongue, made me throw evey resistance out of the window when he pulled me into his arms. The consequences were completely out of my mind when I felt Yoshiki's kind warmth and the faint scent of his cologne. «Ayumi… I won't ever leave you…» Yoshiki whispered and embraced me extremely tightly. «Yoshiki…! Yoshiki…!» I breathed out, so overjoyed.

I'm not sure what went through our minds the moment we decided to head to his apartment.

…

We hastily kicked off our shoes and almost immediately fell down on his bed. His eyes were actually getting watery while he unbuttoned his shirt. «Yoshiki… Hold me…» I whispered out and stretched out my arms around his back. «Ayumi…» he whispered and leaned down, gently cupping my cheeks as he pressed his lips against mine.

His kiss was deep, passionate… lustful.

«Your… Your choker….» I whispered, tugging on the choker with the lock. The lock his girlfriend had put on, to make him hers. Yoshiki took a hold of it and held it tightly, before violently ripping it off his neck.

«I won't let her control me anymore…» he whispered into my ear.

I don't know what came over me that night, where Yoshiki let out his hidden feelings for me. I was so happy during every second we kept going. He showed me so much love and care, even while he undressed me. «Yoshiki… Please, make me yours….!» I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him towards myself for another kiss. «Mmm….» he groaned out and gave into his desire.

That night… I was the happiest girl alive. Thoughts that involved his girlfriend didn't even bother me. I deeply wished from the bottom of my heart that morning wouldn't come, as Yoshiki drowned me in his love.

But with all the love, pain was coming.

Because the deeper I sunk into the love, the more painful it all would become.

However, I didn't understand that before I woke up the morning after.

 **A/N: Oh shit… Plz review and tell me your thoughts! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: My gawsh they finally crossed the line… What will happen next? Well, let's find out! PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 5 ;3**

I was still wrapped in his burly, naked arms when I opened my eyes that Saturday morning. His scent was just like yesterday and even the warmth I felt when he embraced me. Ah… He looks just like a child when he's sleeping. So cute! I sat up, wrapping the covers around me because of how cold his apartment was.

It was at that moment… I actually realized what we had just done.

I… I made him cheat on his girlfriend. H-How could I let this happen?! I tightly clutched my hair, so angry at myself. I just went with the flow… I let him do it to me, all because of me being so honest! I wonder if he'll regret making love to me when he wakes up. I mean, I guess he had some feelings for me. I know for sure that he didn't do that just to comfort me, since he knows that it would just hurt me more.

Wow… The thought of him actually liking me… It makes me so happy!

I looked around his room. I didn't exactly have that much time to closely look at his apartment. Quite simple, with white walls and a few pictures on his drawer. I picked it up and felt my heart sink when I saw who it was.

Yoshiki was holding around a shorter female with gorgeous, long barbie-hair, ocean-blue eyes and a beauty mark underneath her lip. Even her bosom was so wonderfully plump that I immediately started to feel subconcious. So… This is his girlfriend, huh? No wonder he would fall for that inhuman beauty. Just what exactly was it about me that made him like me? I don't get it…

After I dressed myself, I pulled the covers over Yoshiki. I won't let him catch a cold… Next to him, I noticed his choker, which he literally ripped off his neck last night. Right… He didn't need a key to take it off. Only power. I smiled at Yoshiki's sleeping figure and leaned in to give him a small kiss on the lips and left a note on his drawer before quickly leaving the apartment.

Hm, he's working the same time as me tomorrow, right? Then, I'll call him later today. But before that…

…

«My goodness! Some people actually show up here during the weekends?» said the lady behind the desk in the assembly room. Seiko did tell me that the academy would be open even on the weekends for those who wanted to perform next week. And after I kinda came up with a text for Yoshiki's song, I suppose I wanted to sign up before it was too late. I know that this was very vulgar of me, but I just…

…I've grown connected to the song Yoshiki doesn't let anyone sing.

«Well, actually I wanted to perform next week. Is it possible for me to sign up now?» I asked. The woman nodded and started typing on her computer. «What's your name, dear? Oh, and which class do you go to?» she asked. «Ayumi Shinozaki, from class 3A,» I replied. She nodded while typing. «Alright, that's confirmed. Anything else?» she asked. I shook my head and replied: «No, that was all. Thanks a lot!»

…

On the way to the train station, I happened to check the time on my phone. 2.39 pm. He must be awake at this point, right? Ah, he gave me his number on the way to his apartment yesterday. I went to my contact list and called Yoshiki.

«Hello?» I heard him say, confused. He doesn't know it's me, eh? «Um, morning! It's me, Ayumi,» I said. «Oh...!» I heard him gasp. He kept his composture though and said: «Morning to you too, Rolling girl. I was surprised when saw that you'd left. Where are you right now?» «I'm on my way to the train station. Sorry for leaving… I just thought that I should get away in case your girlfriend would come,» I explained.

«Ah… Smart, I guess….» he muttered. Huh…? I was going to ask what was the matter, but quickly understood when I heard a pissed girls' voice in the background:

«Yoshiki!? What are you doing hiding in the bathroom?! Get back here!»

No way…

«One sec, Azusa!» he yelled at her. «I'm so… so sorry Yoshiki…» I whimpered out, almost crying. I can't believe that his girlfriend is there right now! «Hey, don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong,» he said soothingly. «B-But… I made you cheat on her!» I hissed out. Yoshiki sighed and muttered: «Hey… I don't know if it helps, but…» He took a break before saying earnestly:

«I wouldn't have slept with you if I didn't want it myself, Ayumi. I… I do really like you, even if it's only been a few days. And I know very well that it is cheating, but… I just… I can't keep myself away from you. I just can't!»

Those sweet nothings that came from the other side were enough to make me shed tears without holding back. «So… You don't regret making love to me?» I asked, hicupping. «My brain does. But my heart doesn't,» he said and chuckled. I laughed with him. The way he said it was kinda cheesy, but it made me really happy. From then on, I didn't even think what I was doing to his relationship with Azusa. It was so selfish of me to only think about me and Yoshiki…

«So… Can I see you later tonight?» I asked. «Sure! What time would you like to come?» he asked cheerfully. Ah… He actually wants to see me! «Um… I was thinking that you could come and have a meal with me at my place around 7 or something… If you don't mind, that is!» I said. «Wow, you actually mean it? Definitely! Just text me your adresse later, alright?» he said. «Mhm! Seeya later then!» I said. But then, the wonderful mood disappeared when I heard Azusa yell much louder than just now:

«YOSHIKI! Why is your choker ripped!?»

Oh crud… Yoshiki groaned and whispered seductively before hanging up: «Thanks a lot for last night…»

…

Sigh… What time is it now? I looked at the clock that hung on the wall over the couch. 7.24. He should be here any minute now. I got the chicken curry and greek salad prepared very quickly, since I was so excited for him to come. But geez… What's taking him so long?

I didn't have anything to do after I prepared the dishes, so I decided to practice a bit for my performance. As connected with his song as I was, I remembered every single chord and tone. The weird thing is, that the lyrics were inspired by my own experiences. The experiences that Yoshiki created. The heartbreak, the tears… And the subconciousness. The lyrics will hopefully touch everyone's heart.

 ***DING DONG!***

I immediately got up on my feet, very unsteadily and clumsily ran to the door. I took a deep breath and begged to God and Buddha that I wouldn't mess things up. Hehe, this is kind of a date isn't it… I straightened up my skirt and opened the door.

«Yo,» Yoshiki said and grinned at me. I was surprised when I saw him wearing sunglasses when it was dark already, but I decided not to ask him about it. «Hi… Come on in!» I said, letting him inside. «Thanks! Woah… Nice place you've got!» he blurted out.

«Hehe, thanks! You should've seen it before I re-decorated it, though,» I said and giggled. He breated out a laugh and went to the living room.

«Ahhh, I'm totally starving!» he whined out when he saw the curry on the table. He still didn't take off his sunglasses, which started to annoy me a bit. «Hey… Why are you wearing those shades?» I finally asked.

His face froze for a moment, but he replied: «No reason.» Alright, something's definitely up.

«Listen, I won't let you eat until you tell me what's up with those glasses,» I said. He groaned and looked frustrated, followed by the bad decision to ignore me. I started to get really angry, so I reached out to grab them.

«H-Hey! Stop th—

He didn't get to finish his protest before I managed to remove his glasses. When I did so, he started wobbling and fell backwards on the couch with his eyes tightly shut. My eyes widened when I understood why he had worn them.

«Yoshiki…» I whispered and reached my hand out to carefully stroke the bruise underneath his left eye. «Don't… Don't look,» he breathed out when he felt my cold fingers on his face. The bruise's color was very deep, almost like the color of a grape and the size of a garlic boat.

«Who… Who did this to you?!» I asked. He looked down at the ground and muttered: «You won't believe me…» My eyes widened. «You don't mean that! Why wouldn't I believe you, dummy?!» I asked. He sighed and whispered: «She didn't… want to hurt me. She even told me that she did it because she loved me! It was an accident!»

Huh…

«Don't tell me… Did your girlfriend hit you!?» I asked, completely shocked. Yoshiki sighed and tightly clutched his hair in his hands. «Yoshiki, that's domestic abuse! You can't let her hit you!» I yelled out. «For god's sake, that was the first time she's done that! It's nothing serious… I just really pissed her off because of the choker,» he explained.

I sighed and brought a wet towel to the bruise. «I'm sorry… I know it's not my call,» I mumbled. He shook his head and said: «I'm glad you care this much about me… I enjoy being with you way more than being with Azusa.»

«Ah… There's something else I've been wanting to ask you,» I said. «What is it?» he asked. «Um… It's about your song… Why won't you let anyone sing it?» I asked. For a moment, he looked surprised at my question, but after a few seconds he slightly smiled and muttered:

«I decided, ever since I made that song, that I would only let one special person sing that song. I would know who that person was, the moment I saw him or her. And the moment I let that person sing it… I would know that that person is someone I can't let go of…»

Completely hypnothized by the way he told me, I simply gazed at him because of how manly he looked. He noticed that, chuckled and said: «Yeah, I know it's hard to explain… But that's just how it is.» I smiled at him and said: «No… I think I get it.» He smiled back, very bashfully.

«Well then!» he blurted out and hugged me from behind, nuzzling his nose against my cheek. «Can I please have some of Rolling girl's cooking now?» Aww, he's being so adorable. I giggled and said: «Yeah yeah, just a moment!»

But then, the mood immediately got ruined when his phone suddenly started ringing.

«Oh… It's your phone,» I said. He nodded and picked it up, his face turning grim when he saw who it was. «It's your girlfriend, right? She'll just be suspicious if you don't answer. I'll go out to the balcony for a moment…» I said, heading out to leave him alone.

…

Ah… The wind feels so nice here… Leaning forward, I started to deeply reflect on the situation I now was in. My brain obviously knows that this is wrong. I shouldn't treat him like a lover and invite him over. I shouldn't be so clingy when he already has a woman… But still…

I can't help it. I am so in love with Yoshiki. I want to be with him so badly…!

Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my neck and pull me backwards into an embrace. I closed my eyes and took in his lovely scent. «Hey… Did you know that chicken curry is my favourite dish?» he whispered. «Dummy…» I muttered, the moment before he pressed his lips against my forehead. No Yoshiki… That's not what I want…

As if he read my mind, Yoshiki lowered his lips to my own and kissed me very gently, as if my lips were made out of glass.

Ah… What a sweet feeling…

If only I could stay with him like this forever…

 **A/N: Damn. Just damn. Things are starting to get more and more painful! Plz tell me your thoughts about the story so far! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Chapter 6 is up! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Ah…» I heard a familiar sigh next to me, which woke me up from one of the deepest sleeps I've ever been in. I sluggishly opened my eyes and pleasently smiled when I saw Yoshiki's eyes sparkling. «Morning, Rolling girl,» he groaned and pulled me in for a hug, kissing me on the forehead. I giggled and snuggled closer to him. Even if he was naked, his body was still warm.

«So… Would you like some breakfast?» I asked. He poked out his bottom lip and muttered: «Sure, but…Can't I have some cuddles first?» Awww… Who would've though someone as manly as him has such a cute side?

«Of course…» I whispered and raised up my face, letting him passionately kiss me, just like he did while we made love for the second time last night… Oh, I'm getting so embarassed!

He slightly let go of me since he noticed my embarassment, smirked and teasingly asked: «What are you thinking about?» I smiled with red cheeks and whispered: «Last night…» His eyebrows shot up and he blurted out surprised: «Man, you're blunt… And erotic.» «S-Shut up!» I yelled and playfully pushed him.

«Hey… Won't your girlfriend notice?» I asked. «I actually told her yesterday not to come today, and she usually listens when I tell her. So, don't worry about her,» he reassured me. I sighed and asked in a sad voice: «It must be really tiring… I mean, I know that this is horrible. But… My selfishness is completely taking over me.»

He laughed and grabbed my bosom, to my shock: «Pervert!» I shouted and tried to escape from his grasp. «Even if it is tiring… The reward is worth it. I get to be with you, and treat you the way I treated Azusa the first few months of our relationship,» he said and lovingly kissed me on the cheek.

«Ah, that reminds me… For how long have you two dated?» I asked. He thought for a while and replied: «6 months, but we were classmates in high school and college for over 4 years. It's the same with Shinohara too, though we were more like frenemies or rivals.» I giggled and said: «Yeah, she said that! And…. Yeah, she was the one who told be about your girlfriend.»

He frowned and muttered: «Y'know… I thought you were really interesting from the start. I knew that it was wrong to cheat with you, and I'm damn sure that it wasn't my intention… Yet, I still kinda wanted to hide the fact that I had a girlfriend for you.» «Oh…» I gasped in a low voice. Seiko… She was right…

He chuckled and blew into my ear, whispering: «They're really nice to touch…» Out of arguments, I groaned and hid my red face while he kept playing with me.

…

«Well, thanks a lot for breakfast! Your cooking is delicious!» Yoshiki cheerfully said while putting on his jacket and shoes. «It was my pleasure! I'll see you at work later this evening,» I said. He nodded at me and said: «Definitely. Bye for now!» Before seeing him off, I gave him a peck on the lips and whispered: «Thanks a lot for last night…»

I could see a clear redddish hue on his cheeks before he closed the door behind him.

Alright! Almost immediately after he left, I went to my room to grab my guitar. Mom bought it for my 20th birthday, and I played it from time to time, which gradually made me kinda good. But lately, I'd rarely used it, except for those times I practiced for my performance.

When I grabbed it, I sat down on my bed and started strumming som random chords before eventually playing Yoshiki's song. I quietly sang the lyrics I wrote while I played, letting me get swept away in a dream.

A dream… That I didn't wake up from until it was time for me to go to work.

…

Haaa… I wonder if Yoshiki has already started working… I wanted to say hi to him first. I checked my watch. 8.06, huh… Yeah, he was going to work from 7.30. I cheerfully put on my waitress uniform and went out of the wardrobe.

…

Walking down the hallway towards the costumers, my heart fluttered when I saw Yoshiki walking towards me. I was going to greet him, but turned speechless when I saw his really panicked expression. He was walking very fast towards the restroom. What's the matter with him…? Oh well, I should just focus on work. I kept walking and started bringing some drinks to two tables.

«Welcome! Here are the drinks you ordered!» I said with a smile to the two girls who sat by one of the two tables I was going to serve. They were already looking at their menues, but the one with the dark-blue hair raised her head upwards and smiled back and thanked me. Huh…? That girl… She looks strangely familar, doesn't she? Gosh, I'm starting to get crazy. I kept walking, but I completely froze when I heard one of the girls by the same table whine out:

«Geez… Where did Yoshiki go off to now?»

My heart stopped beating and I couldn't feel my blood flowing through my veins anymore. I slowly turned my head back to them and felt my stomach turning in fear when I recognized the flawless barbie-hair and clear eyes. She was poking her bottom lip out and her eyebrows were knitted together. Oh no… It can't be…

That's… Azusa.

«He probably went to get some water. Now, sit back down! Everyone's staring at you!» the other girl, who I also recognized the moment I heard her voice again. That's Naho, Yoshiki's friend! I knew she looked familiar…! Now I get it… Why Yoshiki looked like that!

«Oh, and I only just noticed, but his uniform really suits him,» Naho said and laughed. «Doesn't it?! But he sounds so stupid when he talks!» Azusa said. «No kidding!» Naho said and laughed even louder.

 _ ***CRAAAASH!***_

Everyone in the resturant got quiet when they heard that extremely loud noise of glass breaking. Even I didn't know what happened the first couple of seconds, even though I was the one who caused it all. I looked down towards the floor, where the tray with broken glass and drinks spilling everywhere. Oh no… What have I done…?!

«Shinozaki-san, what are you doing?!» my co-worker squealed out panicked and ran to me. «I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!» I whimpered out, hurriedly trying to clean up the pieces of shattered glass, getting really embarassed when I felt everyone's eyes on me.

«No, don't clean it up like that! It's dangerous! Wait up, I'll bring a broom,» she said and walked away to get one. I didn't listen to her warning though, before I cut my right index finger on one of the pieces.

«Ow…!» I whimpered out and simply watched as I saw a single drop of blood run down my finger. I flinched when I suddenly heard someone coming up to me.

«You're bleeding! Will you be okay?» said Azusa with a panicked look on her face. Oh my god… Still not recovered from my shock and embarassment, I just started at her as she pulled out a pretty pink handkerchief from her pocket and wrapped it around my bloody finger.

I finally got knocked out of my trance and blurted out: «Oh no… Your handkerchief! I got blood on it…» «Oh, don't worry about that! It's yours now. Just go and take care of your finger, 'kay?» she said and warmly smiled at me.

I instantly got disgusted when I thought back on all those things I've done with Yoshiki. The Yoshiki who's together with this kind-hearted woman, who obviousky loves him very much. And all because of me… Yoshiki is being unfaithful to her…! I've destroyed everything… For both her and Yoshiki.

«I… I'm sorry…!» I whimpered out, shedding a river of tears. «Huh…?» Azusa whispered. I heard my co-worker coming back. I hid my face in my knees as I quietly sobbed. «Shinozaki-san, why are you crying? It's alright!» she said, gently pulling on my arm.

Completely heartbroken, I shook her hand off me and ran into the wardrobe.

…

I didn't even bother to close the door. I just slumped down on the floor and cried and cried, without getting tired. My sobs were loud, so it was only natural for someone to find me in there.

«Ayumi? What's wrong…?» I heard Yoshiki whisper as he got closer. I hastily wiped away my tears and whispered: «We have to stop this, Yoshiki… You have a girlfriend. She's so pretty and kind…»

Yoshiki grasped my hand and asked: «What happened? Did she do something to you?!» I quickly shook my head, my tears flying everywhere. «She didn't notice anything! I just…»

I unsteadily got up on my feet and continued: «I can't keep hurting her like this…»

He looked at me and tried to cup my cheek, but I moved away. «Sorry, Yoshiki…» I said. «If only I hadn't clung to you like that and gotten between the two of you, all of this wouldn't have happened.»

«No… Don't say that!» Yoshiki shouted and stretched out his arms towards me. «If we don't stop this, I'll only embarass you more that anything else!» I said, wobbling away when he tried to hug me. «Stop it!» he yelled.

I put my arms on his chest to hold him back. I looked into his eyes and whimpered, completely broken: «And then… I'll just end up getting hurt myself… I'll suffer more and more…»

He stopped trying to embrace me and just looked at me with really sad eyes. «In this situation… No one can be happy,» I said and almost roughly swallowed down my tears. He sat down on the floor with his head hovering when I whispered:

«Take good care of your girlfriend.»

I thought that I had ended everything there… But somewhere in my heart, I couldn't forget how much I still wanted to be with him.

 **A/N: Fuck… What will happen next?! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! UNTIL THEN ;3**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Finally… Chapter 7 is up! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

After such a rough night… I couldn't wait to get home and get some rest before school tomorrow. Maybe I should call in sick? Ugh, I don't know. I just kinda want to get out of here before I run into Yoshiki.

I quickly put on my sneakers and ran out of the wardrobe, only to get really scared by the sound of the door next to me open. The door to the men's wardrobe. It was a reflex to turn my head to the side to see who it was who exited.

I regretted doing that at once.

«Ayumi,» Yoshiki called out when he saw me. My knees started shaking and all I could do was to face the ground. He didn't care. He got straight to the point and said:

«I'm going to break up with my girlfriend.»

Not wanting to hear the rest of it, I covered my ears and ran the fastest I could to the exit. «Ayumi!» Yoshiki yelled after me, with extreme panic in his voice. This is all my fault! I've ruined his life so badly. He may not realize it, but I've completely ruined his life at this point!

…

My lungs were burning, screaming to me that I needed to stop running. And those loud screams apparently reached Yoshiki's ears. The embrace he pulled me in for made me think that. He stopped me from running as he tightly hugged me and for a moment, I got drawn into his warmth like I did the past few days.

No… This is wrong.

I pushed him off me and prepared my escape, but I stopped moving when I heard a familiar voice from the entrance to the resturant:

«Huh… Yoshiki?!»

No… No…!

I could only cover my mouth with my fingertips when I saw the two shocked expressions on Azusa and Naho's face. No… What have I done… There was a clearly angered expression on Naho's face. Azusa narrowed her eyes at me for a moment and gasped extremely loudly when she recognized me.

No… Now I have ruined his life.

Feeling a panic attack creep into my throat and lungs, breathing was almost impossible to do. «Yoshiki. What the hell is going on? Who is this girl?» Naho asked sternly. Right, she doesn't know how I look. She's only heard about me. I wanted to look at Yoshiki to help him, but I was still recovering from the shock when I heard him sincerely answer:

«She's… my girlfriend.»

No… Yoshiki, why did you say that?! I turned my tear drenched face to him, seeing the troubled look on his face. «What?!» Naho yelled, shocked. I didn't even dare to look at Naho, because of how loudly she had shouted that. I saw Azusa staring at the ground with an empty gaze, her mouth barely closed.

«Wow… Having two, huh? You've got some nerve, Yoshiki! Thinking you're tough shit, now?!» Naho shouted, completely enraged. I whimpered, heartbroken when I saw to sparkling tears run down Azusa's cheeks.

All I could do was watch… Until I saw Naho's running towards Yoshiki with her fist in the air, aimed at his face.

«STOP!»

It was all my romantic instinct to quickly pull Naho's arm back before she could punch him. I wouldn't be able to handle it if Yoshiki got hurt because of me! I just wouldn't!

«Ayumi! Just let go!» Yoshiki desperately yelled. I completely ignored him and yelled at Naho: «Don't hurt Yoshiki!» «Don't you dare! I won't be happy until I break his face!» Naho yelled back. I didn't let go of her arm. I only pulled it back with more strength, earning an even more pissed reaction.

«Move! This has got nothing to do with you!» Naho screamed, mentally breaking me with her glare. But I tried to act tough and screamed even louder:

«You're the one who has nothing to do with this!»

I felt Naho lower her fist, but her glare got even colder. «Tch…» she hissed out. I blocked her way, summoned up my courage and said:

«If you want to hit someone, hit me! I was the one who fell in love with him! I knew he had a girlfriend, but I kept clinging to him, just because I was so selfish! I won't escape situations anymore! I won't hide anymore, so just hit me until you break my face!»

«Ayumi! What are you saying!?» Yoshiki hissed out from behind and tried to cover me from behind. Naho looked completely shocked, but she lowered her eyes and muttered: «… Shinozaki, right? You've got some guts.» What?! Is that seriously it!?

Surprising both me and Yoshiki, Naho turned to face the crying Azusa and yelled:

«Azusa! What are you doing over there! This is your battle! You have to fight it, unless you want to lose! Yoshiki is yours, isn't he?! GET HIM BACK!»

Azusa furrowed her eyes together and her lips were shaking as he whispered: «Why… I thought you were such a nice and innocent girl… Now I know why you apologized to me back there…» I could clearly see anger in her eyes. An anger that turned even larger and larger, the more she looked at me.

So large, to the point where she lunged towards me.

It was like my soul was floating away from my body when Azusa pushed me down to the ground and started punching me right on the face. One punch after another, that didn't hurt one bit. It wasn't that she was weak. I… I just felt so miserable and embarassed that the pain was drowned in those two feelings.

I couldn't even feel anything when Naho and Yoshiki desperately tried to push her off me. I can't believe Naho is helping me… I'm such a horrible woman, yet she chooses to sympathize with me when her friend was the victim.

I was drowning in those thoughts, even while Yoshiki carried me in bridal style. I didn't know where he was taking me. All I could feel… Was my unbelieveably strong desire to have Yoshiki stay with me, no matter how wrong it was.

…

Where… am I? The moment I regained my conciousness, I immediately felt the cold tear stains on my cheeks and the dull pain on my neck and forehead. It only hurts a little… «Are you okay?» a voice from beside me said, spreading an incredible warmth in my whole body.

«Yoshiki…! Yoshiki…» I repeated his name over and over again, completely overjoyed to see him. He stretched out his arm and stroked my hair, gently whispering: «You've been asleep for quite a while now. Does it hurt anymore?»

Huh? Anymore…? Ah, right… «S-She beat me…» I recalled. Yoshiki sighed. «I never thought that she would go that far. And even if she did, I thought that I would be able to protect you…» He tightly clenched his fists.

«I… I let you get hurt…!» he hissed out in regret. «Yoshiki… That's not true! You were so honest to your girlfriend… And I know that you cared about me enough to bring me to… uh…» I looked around, embarassed that I didn't know where I was.

Yoshiki chuckled and replied: «I brought you to my place when Naho managed to restrain Azusa. I'm not an experienced nurse, but I tried to tend your wounds a bit…» Oh… I nodded, understanding and carefully brought my hands to my face to feel around it. I felt a few bumps on my left cheek and forehead, but nothing that completely shocked me.

Unable to control it, I shed a single tear from my right eye. «I look awful, don't I…» I whimpered and breathed out a slight laugh. His eyes were half lidded when he leaned in closer to push up my bangs and kiss my forehead. «You're cute, no matter how many bruises you have,» he whispered and smiled at me.

«… You're too kind, Yoshiki… You're just making me feel more guilty!» I blurted out, unable to control my tears. «Huh… Guilty?» he repeated. I nodded and whimpered out: «No matter how you look at it, I've ruined your life… I'm a horrible woman! You've just seen the real me. The incredibly selfish part of. The part… The part that'll break your illusions about me! I know I'm not the cute girl you think I am!»

He sighed at me and thought for a while, though it looked like he knew what to say before I finished talking. It was like he was dragging out the time. Eventually he gave me a crooked smile and said: «Well then… Go ahead. Break my illusions about you. 'Cause…»

For the first time ever, I saw a tear building up in his eye when he finished his sentence:

«… I don't know what else I can do to stop loving you so badly…»

My eyes widened, allowing even more tears to get shed. Butt hese tears… were tears of joy. My selfish side once again showed itself. The side that wanted to be with Yoshiki so badly, no matter how wrong it was to cheat and how badly I would hurt Azusa.

And when Yoshiki told me that earnestly that he loved me… I couldn't hold it in any longer.

«Yoshiki… Please let me stay with you…!» I whimpered and stretched out my arms towards him desperately, like a little kid who wanted its mother. Yoshiki took me into his arms and whispered: «Always…»

My heart could only take so much… I had hurt Azusa so badly. But the guilt I felt, disappeared when Yoshiki showed me so much affection. I know it sounds stupid, but…

That's just how strongly I feel about him.

I really hope that we can start over again… Without needing to cover up our relationship.

 **A/N: Yay, a happy ending at last!... Or is it…? You'll have to wait and see! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Chapter 8 is up! A NEW BEGINNING! Pft… yeah right XD PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Morning, Seiko!» I said when I sat down on the desk next to her. For the first time, I was the one who greeted her first. She looked up at me and grinned. «Morning! What have you been doing this weekend?» she asked. I puckered up my lips, thinking about how to answer. So much has happened… It would take a decade for me to tell her about every thing. Just as I was going to change the subject, I heard a familiar voice behind me:

«Morning, Rolling girl.»

I turned around and blushed in surprise when Yoshiki called me by my nickname with a smug smile. «Ah… Good morning!» I said back. Gosh, I can just feel Seiko's gaze on the back of my neck! I felt it even more when Yoshiki gave me a small kis son my forhead.

«Y-Yoshiki…!» I hissed out, really embarassed. He just chuckled at me and said: «Now, that's a cute reaction. But come on, don't you love it when I do loving things like that?» «I-I do, but… It's really embarassing when it's in class…» I said, cupping my warm cheeks. Yoshiki ruffled my hair and said: «Geez, stop that… Alright, I'll see you at lunch then!» I smiled and nodded at him, as if seeing him off that way.

The moment I turned around, Seiko fiercly grabbed my chin and almost furiously hissed out: «Girl… Tell me. Noooow…» I gulped and nodded. She didn't let go though, so I just told her everything while she intensily stared at me:

«Um… So, I kinda got together with Yoshiki in the weekend. He decided to break up with his abusive girlfriend,» I said. I wasn't technically lying, since everything I said was true. But I left out probably the most important part. That Yoshiki got together with me while he was dating Azusa.

Seiko's eyes widened. «He broke it up with her?! Damn, finally!» she yelled out. «What…? Did you know that he was being abused?» I asked her. «Well… I did think that she was. There have been several situations where I've seen him with bruises. I tried to convince him that it meant that she was abusing him, but he told me over and over again that this was just a one time incident…»

Over and over again…? Several situations…? Yoshiki, why did you lie to me!? That wasn't the first time she had hit him after all! God, I'm feeling so sick… Seiko noticed my expression and said in a surprising serious tone: «No matter what I'd say, he wouldn't have reported it or even broken up with her. So, I decided to let him handle his problem himself. I mean, he would have fixed things eventually, right?»

Seiko gave me a sweet smile and said: «Finding you must have made him realize just how horrible his situation was.»

I pressed my lips together shyly and mumbled: «I was just so happy… When he told me that he liked me, I mean.» Seiko giggled at me and said: «I bet, Ayumi. I'm glad your love has been fulfilled!... Huh?»

Seiko's expression changed when her gaze rested on my forehead. She reached out her hand and carefully stroked the bump and asked: «What happened? Don't tell me… DID THAT BASTARD HIT YOU?!»

I desperately waved my hands and blurted out: «No, that's not it at all! Um… His girlfriend just didn't… Take the breakup that lightly.» Seiko looked even angrier and said: «Fucking Azusa… I guess that she would blame you.»

«I'm okay though. No matter what, Yoshiki did support me!» I reassured her. «He better. But if anything happens don't hesitate to call me, 'kay?» Seiko said and patted my head. I giggled and nodded at her. Thank god I have a friend like Seiko…

…

Sigh… I'm so glad I don't have any work tonight. And I don't need to cook either, since I have some leftovers from two days ago. No matter how much Yoshiki ate, there was still loads of curry left. I faceplanted on my bed and felt like falling asleep the moment I laid down. I closed my eyes and buried my face into my pillow, smiling when I could still smell Yoshiki's scent. It almost feels like Yoshiki is sleeping next to me… Ah, happiness…

 ***FTIIING!***

My eyes instantly opened automatically when I heard my phone telling me that I'd gotten a message. Not lifting my head of the pillow, I stretched out my arm and grabbed my phone on the drawer. After I opened the mail who had a sender that wasn't in my contacts, I'd completely forgotten the happiness I felt when I was resting:

 _Hey, Ayumi Shinozaki._

 _You're such a bitch, you know that?_

 _You wanted to get in Kishinuma's pants that bad, huh?_

 _Just you wait._

 _The next time I see you, I'll be sure to mess up your face so much that not even your precious boyfriend won't ever kiss you without barfing._

My heart beat a million times faster after reading the message over and over again. This is… Oh my god… This is the first time I've ever gotten such a threatening message. Who is this?! The first one who I thought could send this, was obviously Azusa. But I just don't get how she could've gotten my number.

Still panicked, I quickly dialed Yoshiki's number. He could be working right now, but I need to confirm who this is! He picked up surprisingly quickly:

«Hello? Ayumi?» I heard him say in a fairly normal voice. My breathing was quick and harsh as I whimpered out: «Sorry… Are you working right now?» «Yeah, but I'm on break now. What's up?» he asked, really lovingly. No… I can't tell him… Not with how cheerful he is.

«Ah… I just wanted to hear your voice,» I said as calmly as I could. I heard Yoshiki chuckle and say: «Ayumiii… You're so adorableee! Oh well, I'm doing well! If you want, I can come over to your place tonight.»

My heart fluttered at his words, and I simply couldn't refuse his request. «That would be great! I'll be sure to make you tons of chicken curry!» I reassured him. «Yaaaaay! Alright, can't wait! See you later!» he yelled like an excited kid and hung up.

I screwed everything up… I tightly clutched my hair in frustration and fear. I have no choice… I'll ask him when he comes tonight, I guess… But for now, I have to get to cooking!

…

Sigh, I'll just let this heat up for a few minutes… Laying down on the couch, I was unable to get any rest. Mostly because of me recalling that horrific message I got. No… I won't ever be able to find peace with this in my head! I have to tell him… I have to tell him! Unable to stand it any longer, I quickly grabbed my phone and typed a message to Yoshiki:

 _Do you know who's number this is?_

I copied the number and pasted in into the text and hesitated for a minute before I pressed send. My heart was beating extremely fast and I was even too scared to get an answer. What if it is Naho?! No, she helped me yesterday… And she may have understood our situation, but she could still have a grudge on me. I mean, Azusa is her friend!

Wait… It could be one of the girls who has a crush on Yoshiki, couldn't it? I mean, he is obviously really popular with girls! Yeah, they could've noticed our romantic interaction during class and decided to torture me! But… I still don't know how they would've gotten my number.

Distraught by my theories I squealed when my phone's screen lit up because I got a message. I held my hand close to my heart and took a deep breath before I opened the mail from Yoshiki. It was at that moment where I thought that the doors I could use to escape were locked and the keys swallowed down by fate:

 _Why would you have Azusa's number?_

 **A/N: Holy. Shit. Plz tell me your thoughts about this story so far! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Chapter 9 is up! Only 3 chapters left! Mai GAWSH! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Fuckin' hell… No wonder you sounded so sad when you called me earlier!» Yoshiki hissed out very angrily after I explained everything to him and showed him the message Azusa had sent me. He clenched his fists tightly and gritted his teeth together.

«I was so scared… I did think that it was from her, but there was a possibility that it was somebody else. I mean, it could've been Naho,» I said. He raised his eyebrow at me and said: «Do you even know her? She's the most mature person I know! She wouldn't have threatened you in a million years. After all, she's also kinda on my side on this.»

«Huh? Seriously?» I asked. I can't imagine Naho being someone who takes sides. He nodded and explained: «She knew that Azusa wasn't the best girlfriend, so she thought that I would find someone else eventually. However, she still has a grudge on me for cheating on Azusa.» «Yeah… Cheating is bad, no matter what anyone says. But I…» I stuttered out. Yoshiki put his hand on my shoulder and said: «Don't worry. On the way home, I'll definitely talk it out with her.»

My eyebrows shot up. «You can't! She'll just beat you more!» I desperately yelled out. «Then I'll report her to the police. It's as simple as that. From now on, I'll try to be brave and be honest,» he earnestly said and rested his chin on the top of my head, softly hugging me. «I promise… I won't make the same mistakes again,» he whispered and kissed my hair. «Yoshiki… Thank you,» I whispered, enjoying his warmth.

We stayed like that for a while… until Yoshiki said goodbye and went off to talk to his ex-girlfriend.

…

It's hopeless. I'm still really restless. Not because I'm scared or anything. There's just something that's been going on and on in my mind. Yoshiki has always been the one who helped me get through things. Once again, I've let him handle the problems while I'm the one who shows him graditude… No. It doesn't feel right. If anything, I wanted to be the one who helped Yoshiki through his problems!

I thought that the way I could help him in our current situation… Was to talk with Azusa myself. Or rather, I'm too scared to so that. Maybe I can just… Send her a message? I just beg to God that it won't look threatening or anything similar!

With shaky fingers, I turned on my phone and started writing a message to Azusa, still feeling my heart beating faster whenever my gaze passed the horrific message she'd sent me. I tried my best not to sound arrogant, rude, jealous and thousands of other things… I wrote about how abusing him doesn't mean love. I wrote hundreads of different apologies about how sorry I was for having cheated with Yoshiki on her, but that I couldn't stop myself from developing feelings for him. And… I wrote about how I didn't want her to threaten me anymore. That Yoshiki was just a stone on the road of romance to something better. Someone better.

After everything… The long text turned out pretty okay:

 _Dear Azusa._

 _I'm tired of playing the role of the helpless and innocent girl that you hate._

 _But even so, I admit that I'm scared of what you're able to do._

 _That's why I've decided to write to you, hoping that you will understand._

 _First of all, I am in love with Yoshiki._

 _I don't want you to see this as rubbing it in, but it's a fact._

 _I didn't have an affair with him because I wanted to sleep with him._

 _I did it because I wanted to be with him._

 _I wanted what you had, and what you abused._

 _I still don't get it. You had an amazing boyfriend, Azusa. Yet you decided to beat him up whenever he made you angry?_

 _Those mental and physical scars are so easy for me to see._

 _And it's easy for me to see who's caused them._

 _Do you really think that I'm not sorry?_

 _Of course I'm sorry._

 _I'm so so sorry for falling in love with someone who was already taken._

 _I'm so sorry for breaking your heart this badly._

 _But… Please don't threaten me anymore!_

 _After everything, now as I've finally earned what I wished for the most is with me, I want to live a peaceful life with him!_

 _I can't live a life where I'm scared of his ex-girlfriend trying to kill me!_

 _I don't want the two of us to hate each other._

 _So from the bottom of my heart, I wish that you'll find a man who loves you even more than Yoshiki will ever do!_

 _Even now… I can clearly see that Yoshiki deeply cares about you._

 _That was all, really._

 _Sincerely, Ayumi Shinozaki._

For some reason… I pressed send without hesitating one bit. I laid down on the couch, so exhausted from my feelings coming out. I just beg to God, Buddha, Moses and even Satan that she won't flip out on either me or Yoshiki! Sigh… Eveything will be better tomorrow… Tomorrow…

…

«Gorgeous, you look kinda tired today! Are you alright?» Seiko asked concerned and put a hand on my forehead. «Mhm… I'm just still half-asleep,» I moaned out. It wasn't that I couldn't sleep. But I'd fallen asleep so deeply that I just wanted to sleep forever…

Oh… When I think about it, I haven't heard from Yoshiki ever since ladt night. I do trust him, but I can't help but to feel like something has happened. My phone said that Azusa had read the message, and to my relief, she hadn't replied. I didn't think she would either, to be honest.

«Hey… Have you seen Kishinuma? He usually walks the same way as me, but I didn't see him today. Could he be sick?» Seiko asked. I look up at her from my desk and mumbled: «So you haven't seen him either, huh…? I hope he's alright…» Seiko put her hand on my head and said proudly: «Remember Ayumi, always call me if something happens!» «Hehe, you always say that Seiko…. Thank you,» I said gratefully. She gave me a thumbs up and went back to her work.

It's decided then! After school, I'll go check on Yoshiki.

…

Hmm… I'm a little unfamiliar with this street, but I remember where his apartment is! Or, it's more like a one-storey home in a long row with similar houses. It wasn't in an apartment block, or complex like mine. But still… I prefer living in a place like this. It just feels very homey, with the green-ness, the playgrounds and the children playing and laughing while they're barefoot…

Ah! Here it is! My heart lit up when I recognized Yoshiki's place. From the two windows by the front door, the lights inside were off. Maybe he's sleeping? So he is sick after all… I guess I shouldn't bother him. But, I'm worried…! Ugh, I'll just try to ring the doorbell quietly!... If that makes sense.

I slowly pushed my finger in, so that the sound went as slowly as possible. If he was sleeping, I wouldn't want to piss him off by waking him up. I waited for about 5 minutes, thinking that it might take him a while to get out of bed. But, no one answered the door. I couldn't even hear as much as the sounds of footsteps.

I pressed the doorbell again, waiting for an answer. After 5 more minutes, I still didn't notice any signs of reply. Sigh… I have to go home now, eh? My shoulders drooped in disappointment and I was about to head home when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Startled but excited, I answered the call without seeing who it was and held my phone close to my ear.

«Hello?» I said cheerfully. «Ayumi,» said Yoshiki, but in a horribly serious voice. He really is sick… «Yoshiki? I'm so sorry for waking you up! But you weren't at the academy today, so I decided to drop by…» I explained. «Ayumi… I'm not home,» he sternly said. G-Geez, what's with his voice?! Is he mad at me or something.

«Oh? Then, where are you? Oh, the hospital? Don't tell me Azusa beat you after all!» I said. I expected him to give me some sort of reply, but I couldn't hear any sound from the other side. He was completely silent.

«She beat you, didn't she….» I assumed. I thought he promised me that he would become honest… What happened to that promise?

«Ayumi… I need to tell you something very important,» he suddenly said, making me flinch. Why am i feeling so nervous…? «Um… Okay,» I said, allowing him to speak. It did take a few minutes before he had the courage to start:

«This relationship… From the very beginning, this was wrong. Even now as I've fixed everything, this still feels wrong. The guilt and selfishness… Last night when I came to talk to Azusa, I truly understood the consequences. That's why….»

No…. Don't say it, Yoshiki. I thought we could finally be happy together, after everything we've been through. Yet…

«I'm breaking up with you, Ayumi.»

My heart shattered into countless pieces and I didn't even feel like blinking. H-He's joking, right…? I thought he loved me… I thought he wanted to be with me! How can he say that when he's done all that to me!?

I was thinking so many things, yet I didn't have the courage to say anything.

«Goodbye, Ayumi.»

That was the last thing I heard before he hung up.

I couldn't put my phone down. I just couldn't. He couldn't be serious. He just couldn't. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Heartbreak. This… This must have been caused by Azusa. Right, he must be depressed or something! Don't worry, Ayumi….

….I'm sure he'll apologize tomorrow… And once again tell me that he loves me….

And then get back together with me…

Right…?

 **A/N: What the hell. What the hell is wrong with Yoshiki!? Maybe he was just joking…? You'll find out soon! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I hope we'll get to know the truth… Oh well, let's see what happens! PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 10 ;3**

I went inside the classroom, still not processed what Yoshiki told me over the phone yesterday. After all that… he wants to break up!? No, I can't believe it. I tried to call him several tmes yesterday, but he answered none of them. As if I was being ignored on purpose. Looking ahead of me as I was walking to my desk, I noticed Yoshiki reading a book while he sat by his desk. I have to talk to him.

«Good morning, Yoshiki!» I said as cheerfully as I could. Expecting his usual "Mornin', Rolling girl", I was really shocked when all he gave me as a reply, was a brief look. But that brief look, gave off an intense vibe of coldness.

I thickly swallowed. He couldn't have… been serious about the whole breaking-up thing, could he?! If he ever was going to break up with me, I knew for sure that he was going to be gentle with me and give me a goodbye-hug at least. But breaking up with me this way…

… That's so not his style.

«Hey,» Seiko whispered from beside me. «What happened to your guys' lovey-dovey mood?» «Yesterday…. He told me that he wanted to break it off with me…» I explained, saddened. Her face turned into the perfect symbol of shock.

«….Please tell me that you're joking. Please Ayumi, please!» she hissed out. Almost at the edge of crying, I whispered: «I thought that too… But he completely ignored my calls and just now… But I just don't know why he would dump me when our relationship just started!»

Seiko nodded at me, very sympathetically. «I totally know what you mean. I can't believe it either! I mean, those times we talked he seemed so in-love with you!» she almost yelled out. I covered my mouth with both hands to cover up my hiccups. All of sudden, Seiko's eyes lit up and she whispered: «No way… I think I know….»

I removed my hands and stared at her. «What?» I asked. Seiko frowned and said: «A few days ago... It was late and I met Kishinuma a few streets away from Azusa's place. He told me that he was going to talk it out with her. Even then, he talked about how much you had changed him and stuff. The only thing that I can think of, is that your breakup is influenced by Azusa.»

Oh my god… Azusa, did you even read my message? I didn't have the courage to even think this, but I will anyways. She's just acting like a… like a… Bitch!

I gritted my teeth together and felt my tears build up once again. «Of course… Why didn't I think of that…» I whimpered out. «But, y'know Ayumi… If it is because of Azusa, then that means that Yoshiki will make it up with you!» Seiko said excitedly.

«Huh? What do you mean?» I asked. «You're able to remind Kishinuma about how much you love him! That way, he'll surely want to be with you again, and not care what kind of weapon Azusa will use!» she said. My heart fluttered at Seiko's positive words. «You think so…? Well, I'll definitely talk to him later,» I said. Seiko nodded at me and stroked my shoulder. «You can do it, beautiful. Just be honest with both Kishinuma and yourself,» Seiko said. I nodded at her and went back to my work.

I really hope I can fix everything now…

…

I don't have much time before the lunch break is over. I was desperately looking for Yoshiki, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Not in the cafeteria, not in the assembly and not even in any of the classrooms… I have only one place left.

The rooftop.

…

I hastily opened the door to the rooftop and felt my blood rush when I saw Yoshiki leaning against the wall beside me. When he turned to me, his face immediately turned grim and he tried to push me out of the way so that he could leave, but I took a hold of his arm.

«Wait!» I yelled out. I heard him sigh before turning around. His eyes are so cold… «You sure are stubborn. Didn't I tell you already? I don't want to make up,» he coldly spit out at me. How can he be so cruel… This is not the Yoshiki I fell for!

«It's not making up… 'Cause we haven't broken up. I don't want to break up with you at all, Yoshiki!» I said. He narrowed his eyes at me before turning around again. «You're getting on my nerves. I would appreciate it if you stopped stalking me,» he said and started walking. No…. I have to tell him!

«If this is about Azusa, then I'll help you!» I yelled behind him. He stopped walking, surprised at my yell. But he still had his back turned to me. «Azusa… She said something to you, right? If that's all, that shouldn't be a reason why we shouldn't stay together! I want to be with you, Yoshiki! We've been through so much, so we can't end it here! We'll support each other, so please….» I whimpered, shedding a pair of tears while I said my last sentence.

Yoshiki's body language didn't give me any hints about what he was thinking. But I could see him tightly clench his fists. Then, without saying anything, he walked down the stairs, once again just ignoring me.

«Yoshiki… What happened to you….?» I whispered, wiping away my tears. He's not himself at all! I have to talk some sense into him!

…

After everything… He just escaped from me. So easily, that it was almost mortifying. I don't feel very good. Extremely tired, I reached out to grab the remote and turn on the TV. News won't really cheer me up, but I guess it's better than doing nothing. I quietly watched as the lady on the news informed about the news:

 _«Good evening. The police have now identified the young woman who was found by her ex-boyfriend in her apartment, unconcious from a suicide attempt merely two days ago. Both of her wrists were roughly slit, but it was the belt that was tightly tied around her neck that took her life. The police first thought that it was her ex that had killed her, but after a long interview with him at the police station last night and with the lack of evidence that it was him, it was revealed that she had taken her own life.»_

Right, I heard about this on the news two days ago. Gosh, that is just so horrible… I was going to change the channel, but I was unable to move an inch when they showed who that woman actually was.

 _«The victim is identified as Azusa Takai, age 22. According to the police, it seems that she suffered from depression after finding out that her now ex-boyfriend was having an affair. But it is also revealed that she had been both mentally and physically abusive, which led to him seeing other people.»_

Azusa… killed herself…?

The answers were swirling around in my mind. I reckoned them, but I only thought about Yoshiki while I put on my jacket and shoes. I ran and ran the fastest I could to Yoshiki's apartment.

…

The moment I got close enough to the door, I almost violently pressed the doorbell. I was panting heavily and my heart was beating intensily when I starte dregretting being so hard on him. Of course he would be agressive after someone he cares about has died! Plus, he was the one who found her dead! But… I still don't know why he would break up with me because of that…

The door opened and Yoshiki still looked as depressed as earlier today. «What do you want?» he asked sternly. I was still panting, and I couldn't really speak when I didn't know what to say either. After a few seconds of silence, Yoshiki sighed and was about to close the door when he muttered: «If you don't need anything, then…»

«Wait!» I blurted out, finally getting to action. He stopped and stared at me, allowing me to speak. I took a deep breath and said:

«First of all… I am so sorry. I watched the news, and I had idea that…» Yoshiki interupted me and said: «If you're here to pity me, I'm good thank you.» «That's not it!» I said. He knitted his eyebrows together in frustration. «It is one of these times where we have to support each other. Why can't you understand? Even if she's gone, I'll help you get over it! I'll help you remain strong! And… I'll help you show off that smile that's hidden on your lips. The smile that I love so much….» I whispered and forced a smile.

Yoshiki hovered his face downwards, making his bangs create a shadow over his eyes. «It's you who don't understand, Ayumi,» he said. «Huh?» I said. He tightly gritted his teeth together and hissed out:

«You have no idea how it feels to see someone you used to love cold, lifeless, laying down on the ground and with such a sad expression on that person's face… And to think that I did that to her, because I broke her heart…»

Tears were slowly streaming down from his tear ducts as he hissed out:

«That makes me look like a murderer…. I basically killed her, Ayumi!»

«Yoshiki….» I whispered longingly, but that didn't stop him from shutting the door right in front of my face.

«Yoshiki? Yoshiki!» I yelled out repeatedly, but he wouldn't open the door. To think that he's that heartbroken… He's feeling the same way I did when I cheated with him on Azusa, but he's feeling many times worse. I don't want to force an explanation out of him, so I'll just wait. I sat down right by the door, still hoping that he would open the door.

…

Oh… It's getting dark. And it's so cold! I wrapped my arms around my knees and exhaled against my hands to let my hot breath heat them up. How long has it been? I wonder… Yoshiki still hasn't opened the door. He has not even looked at me through the window. But still…

I'm waiting, Yoshiki…

I flinched when I suddenly felt something really cold and soft touch my nose.

I looked up at the sky and slightly smiled when I saw the hundreads of snow flakes raining down from the almost completely black sky. It's snowing… Well, it's the middle of November after all. Wah, it's sooo cold…But I don't care. I have to make him understand. No matter what happens… I'll be alright. I'll get stronger! So please, Yoshiki…!

«For Christ's sake, go home already.»

I turned my face immediately when I saw Yoshiki by the door. I got up and ran to him, ignoring his cold words. «Didn't you hear what I just said? If you stay here, you'll just get sick,» he said. Yoshiki… You still worry about me, don't you…? Even when you pretend not to…

«Yoshiki… Can't you just tell me one thing!?» I asked in a really loud voice. He didn't say anything, so I assumed that he let me. «Why… Just why do you want to break up with me after everything we've been through!?» I shouted.

He stared at me, with a gaze that didn't look as angry as before. But rather… sad.

«I told you earlier… I basically murdered Azusa,» he said. «That's not true! It's not your fault, Yoshiki!» I said. It must have been my fault. I mean, she could've become more depressed after she read my message! But… I can't say that.

Yoshiki looked at me intensily, once again shedding tears. «.., I'll just end up hurting you,» he said and turned around, walking to the door. No… This can't be the end! «Wait…!» I hissed out and ran after him. I streatched out my arms in attempt to hold him from behind.

«No…! No! If I don't have you, Yoshiki, I can't go on! I don't want to break up…! I don't want to break up! Yoshiki!»

He ignored me and once again shut the door right in front of my face. But this time, it hurt so much more.

«Yoshiki! Yoshiki! YOSHIKI!» I screamed out his name over and over again while banging on the door. I can't stand it! If he's not with me, I'll die! I can't live without him! But then, I got completely shocked when he raised his voice at me for the first time:

«Why the fuck are you still here?! I'M NOT WORTHY OF SOMEONE LIKE YOU!»

I roughly pressed my hands against the door and slowly sunk downwards to the ground. My tears felt like melted snowflakes, streaming down my cheeks in waterfalls. I can't accept this! My brain knows that this is pathetic, but I'm still trying! I still stayed by his door for so many hours…

This time… I knew for real that Yoshiki had broken up with me.

 **A/N: ….I have no words. I just would like to know you guys' thoughts about the story so far. UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Chapter 11 is up! The first part of this chapter will be third person view as well as the last part, but the rest will be in Ayumi's pov like usual. PLZ ENJOY ;3**

Seiko literally threw her bag on her desk, very violently. She was very angry after she got a phonecall from Ayumi just before going inside the classroom. She could clearly remember how her voice sounded and how obvious it was that she was trying her best not to cry while she explained what had happened.

«I'll make him pay for this…» she hissed out under her breath. She looked beside her at the empty seat. Seiko started seeing Ayumi as her best friend ever since their first conversation. Just to hear all the cruel things he had said and done to her, completely turned her fighting mode on. Not to mention that her performance is today! Ugh, she definitely won't be able to come!

Looking at the watch on the wall right above Yui sensei's desk, Seiko noticed that it was still 15 minutes left until class started. That was more than enough time. She walked downwards to Yoshiki's desk. She slammed her hands on his desk, making him jump.

«Have you got a minute? I need to talk to you,» she said coldly. It even surprised Yoshiki to see Seiko that angry when she always acted so cheerful. But Yoshiki knew why she was this angry. Or, he had a hint at least.

…

«Ayumi's absent today,» Seiko started saying. She had her arms crossed and was leaning against the wall by the door to the classroom, glaring at Yoshiki who was standing ahead of her. «Yeah,» he muttered, only pissing her off more.

«It seems that she caught a cold because she was crying all night in the snow outside somebody's apartment,» Seiko said, spitting the words harshly at him. Yoshiki didn't react at all. He tried to go back inside the classroom, but Seiko put her hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

«Don't you dare. Is your brain broken or something?» Seiko asked. Her voice was calm, but inside she was trying so hard to restrain her fury. Yoshiki turned his head, finally showing emotions. He was knitting his eyebrows together in irritation when he hissed out: «Not as badly as yours.»

That quote was that one drop that made the cup overflow.

 _ ***PUNCH!***_

Having no idea that Seiko would go that far, Yoshiki wobbled backwards and had a hard time keeping his composture due to his shock and the burning sensation on his left cheek. That immediately brought back memories. Painful memories.

«How could you do this to Ayumi!? The Ayumi who believes in you and trusts you so much!? Are you really that low of a guy?!» Seiko shouted at him. Yoshiki held his hand against his cheek in pain. He was aware that Ayumi had feelings for him… But to hear that she «trusts» him… That just made him feel even more guilty of Azusa's death.

Seiko's entire body was shaking in anger when he didn't reply. But there was nothing she could do about it. Just forcing an answer out of him won't work anyways. «BASTARD!» she yelled and was about to walk back, until she finally heard him speak.

«She's… so stupid.»

Seiko turned around. «What did you say?» she asked. Yoshiki's lips were shaking when he mumbled: «I keep pushing her away and pushing her away… But she always keeps coming back. Like a little puppy. No matter how many rocks I throw at her, she just keeps coming back… covered in wounds…»

The pain in his voice made Seiko feel at least an ounce of sympathy. She sat down ahead of him and allowed him to continue. He was covering his eyes in shame.

«I… I didn't want to hurt her like that. Why can't I find another way to break up with her…?! Ayumi, she's…way too kind. She's way too loving. She's way too forgiving…! So much that I don't deserve somone as amazing as her. There was nothing else I could do.»

Yoshiki looked into Seiko's eyes. His own were filled with tears as he desperately yelled out:

«It was the only way I could let her live a normal life! A life without a monster like me!»

This was the first time Seiko had ever seen Yoshiki so emotionally broken. He hid his face in his hands while loudly sobbing into them. She thought at first that it was because of Azusa. The abuse and the guilt he felt because of her comitting suicide. That was a part of it, yes.

But it was mainly because of how much he loved Ayumi.

…

 **4.59 pm (an hour until the performance)**

I covered my mouth with my pillow while I coughed. I can barely talk… So there's no way I can sing in this condition. I'll just call my Yui sensei and tell her to remove me from the performance list… That's easier said than done.

I was really looking forward to perform…

Yoshiki… Why? Are we really over? Just… What did I do…?! I had cried countless times from when I came back last night until now. This heartbreak will probably never completely heal. The scars will still be visible… Both for me and others.

 _ ***DING DONG!***_

Just because I thought about him, I was almost completely sure that it was Yoshiki who was ringing the doorbell. Despite feeling completely weakened, I got up and opened the door. A little disappointed, but I was still very happy.

…

«I get that… I don't know if you're even healthy enough to lift up your guitar,» Seiko said after I told her that I couldn't come. I nodded at her. «Y'know… I talked to Kishinuma today,» Seiko said, basically stabbing my heart.

«Oh, let me guess! He said he was glad that I wasn't at school, huh?!» I shouted, but ended up coughing. «Ayumi… Please let me talk,» Seiko said. I sighed and wrapped the duvet tighter around me.

«I think—No, I know that the reason Kishinuma broke up with you, is because he feels too guilty to commit to you after everything that has happened,» Seiko started saying. «What…?» I muttered. Seiko explained:

«The only thoughts that are in his head right now, is that everything that has happened is his fault. Now, wether it's true or not doesn't matter one bit. What matters, is that he's been feeling like shit because of the things that have happened to him. The abuse, his self-esteem and so on. But then, someone who's able to see through that came into his life…»

Seiko looked at me and smiled warmly as she said: «Ayumi Shinozaki.»

Then, she continued:

«Just like he told me, you were so kind. You made him feel like he was worth something after all, which led to him being carried away because of his feelings for you. And all that caused this trainwreck with Azusa threatening you, Kishinuma breaking her heart which then led to her killing herself. After that…»

Seiko sighed and had her arms crossed when she said:

«… You were still being so sweet to him. And now, Kishinuma feels like he doesn't deserve you. He thought that he could fix everything by cutting you off his life. But I can clearly see, even now that…»

«… He only made things worse for the both of us…» I finished her sentence. Seiko nodded. «So, in a way, he broke up with you because his feelings for you were too strong. Not because he didn't like you anymore,» she said. Tears streamed down my cheeks once again. But these were created by the tiny ounce of hope left.

Yoshiki still has feelings for me. If only I can convince him that he's worthy of me…

I've decided.

…

«Ayumi, this is a mistake,» Seiko said for the 100th time during the car ride. I shook my head. «I don't care. Besides, you told him that he had to come, didn't you? Nothing can stop me now!» I said, holding my guitar tightly as Seiko started the parking process. She sighed and muttered: «I don't even know if you'll be able to sing as angelic as usual with your cold…» She had a point, I have to admit that. But if Yoshiki starts to understand…

… then it'll all be worth it.

…

I could hear a girl group singing on the stage when I entered the assembly hall. Nearly all of the students were there, cheering for the sexy-dressed girls on the stage. Huh? Oh, it's the stylish girls I saw on my first day! Hehe, that's kinda nostalgic actually.

When the fast pop-beat ended and the girls stopped singing, everyone started clapping. That was the signal. When I saw Yui sensei step on the stage I ran towards her. She didn't notice me, so she started to conclude the concert:

«I hope everyone enjoyed! Now, one last applause for these brave freshmen who dared to—

«WAIT!»

Yui sensei jumped when she heard me scream out in panic. I was panting heavily and my voice was hoarse, but I still got up on the stage. I put the strap on my guitar over my shoulder and said: «There's still one performance left.»

«S-Shinozaki-san… I thought you had caught a cold,» Yui sensei said. «Yeah. But I'm still going to sing,» I said determined. She smiled at me and yelled to the audience: «Well then, please welcome Ayumi Shinozaki-san!»

I completely ignored the volume of the crowd as they cheered. Because there was someone who already caught my gaze. The blonde boy who was standing by the exit with his back leaned against the wall.

Yoshiki… He really did come.

Now… This is my last chance.

I completely forgot about my fatigue as I started playing the intro. His expression was so amusing when he realized what song it was. I could see that he started running closer to the stage. I'm sure he wanted to yell at me, asking why I was singing the song he didn't allow anyone to sing. But he didn't…

And then, I sang the lyrics to Yoshiki, not letting him ignore me again:

 **SONG: My song ANIME: Angel Beats**

 _Joushiki butteru, yatsu ga waratteru (The ones who ignore common sense are laughing.)_

 _Tsugi wa donna uso wo iu? (What will they lie about next?)_

 _Sore de erareta mono… (What will be gained…)_

… _daiji ni kazatteokeru no? (Can we hang it proud?)_

 _Hito was sore demo susumanakya naranai (Man must go on regardless)_

 _Dakara kou utau yo (That's why I'm singing this song)_

Seeing several people shed tears didn't empower me as I sang the chorus as much as the single tear that streamed down Yoshiki's cheek. All of my anger, depression, frustration and love expressed theirselves through my singing.

 _Naiteru, kimi koso! (You may be crying!)_

 _Kodokuna, kimi koso! (You may be lonely!)_

 _Tadashii yo! (That's okay!)_

 _Ningen rashii yo… (That's what being human is…)_

 _Otoshita, namida ga (Those tears you cried)_

 _Kouin wo… (In time…)_

 _Konna ni mo utsukushii! (It's so beautiful!)_

 _Uso janai! (It's not a lie!)_

 _Hontou no… bokura wo… (For the real us…)_

 _Arigato (Thank you)_

This… This is my life. To go on singing like this… This is why I was born. Just as I was saved by Yoshiki… I'll save him.

Finally…

I can rest…

Not feeling my legs anymore, I immediately fell on to my knees and closed my eyes.

…

«AYUMI!»

The moment Yoshiki saw Ayumi just collapse like that, he pushed himself through the large crowd and jumped on to the stage. «Kishinuma! Wait!» Seiko yelled behind him and ran up to the stage to help him. The entire crowd was shocked and no one knew what had exactly happened.

«Hey! Hey, Ayumi! Open your eyes, dammit!» Yoshiki yelled and shook her lifeless body. «She must have been exhausted… I knew she would push herself to hard!» Seiko hissed out and turned around and yelled at Yui sensei: «Call the ambulance, quickly!» Yui sensei nodded and immediately dialed the number on her phone.

«You're so stupid…. So stupid…!» Yoshiki hissed out and tightly hugged her body. Yoshiki knew it now. He knew who was allowed to sing his song. He knew what he needed now to stop his depression. He knew… all this time who was most precious to him between. Azusa and Ayumi.

Rolling girl… _His_ Rolling girl.

 **A/N: Just one chapter left, huh… Thank you guys so much for 12 heart warming reviews! Just tomorrow this adventure will come to an end ;_; I had so much fun writing this! (even cried a few times, lol) And one more thing, just look up the song Ayumi sung. Just please. It's so beautiful and it fits the plot so well! Oh well, enough chit chat! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Every story must come to an end. So, let's make it last! PLZ ENJOY THE FINAL CHAPTER ;3**

In my pitch black vision, only more confusion popped into my mind. It was as if Yoshiki's voice only was in the distance, even though I could feel his warmth so clearly… Seiko was right. I couldn't sing in my condition. But I did anyways… I'm so stupid.

I'm so exhausted...

Sleeping is not enough…

I just want to die…

I want to die with Yoshiki…

…

I thought that while I still was in my confusion. But when I woke up, I didn't think my body would take me so seriously. I wasn't dead. I blinked my eyes over and over and emptily stared at the strongly enlightened ceiling to convince myself that I could still feel that unbearable taste of reality. I don't know where I am. I don't remember what happened. But those unanswered questions didn't bother me, because I felt dead.

I felt completely… lifeless.

Even as I sat up, I felt like my body was a thick hardware. I pressed my temple and searched my body to find any pain. I didn't feel any physical pain, so I decided to take a look at my surroundings instead. My mind lit up when I recognized the curtains that seperated the beds. I'm… at a hospital? Suddenly, I remembered.

Right… After the performance, I collapsed. That's all I can remember. I felt my eyes widen when I all of sudden started thinking about _him_.

Yoshiki.

Did God just hear my thoughts? Or maybe Buddha did… No, probably the devil. I almost jumped out of the bed I was on when the pleasingly familiar face by the curtain that seperated my bed and the one to the left.

The most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen, widened when they rested on my face for a brief moment.

And before I knew it, he lunged towards me and tightly wrapped his arms around me. No way… I knew that he was hiding these feellings from me ever since he broke up with me. But being this straight-forward now… I feel like I could cry.

«Thank God… Thank fucking God…!» Yoshiki hissed out while he nuzzled his face into my hair. I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I opened my mouth and tried to call his name.

It was then.

It was at that moment I understood why I felt dead.

What was supposed to be his name, only came out as a rough gasp.

What…? What was that? I tried to say something random, but once again; it came out as a gasp. It can't be… I tightly clutched Yoshiki's arms, which made him let go and look at me. He frowned and put two fingers on my lips.

«Don't push yourself… The doctor said that it will only get worse the more you try,» he said. No… My lips parted and I felt my eyebrows shoot up and curl into a despaired shape. My breathing quickened its pace, making me heavily pant. From second to second, a gasp would follow the pants. My eyes started tearing up while I processed it. Is this really all because I sung when I was sick…?

Yoshiki gently stroked my hair and soothingly said: «It's okay, Ayumi, it's okay… It won't last forever.» That didn't stop me from crying out a gasp and cling to his chest in despair. I let out hushed sobs as he stroked my back. «I'm so sorry, Ayumi…» he whispered and softly kissed my hair.

Yoshiki kept embracing me silently, but released me once he noticed a doctor entering the room.

The doctor's eyes widened for a brief second and he blurted out: «I'm very sorry for interupting, but…» I waved my hands violently in denial and tried to tell him that it was okay, but I was only allowed to form out breaths. Right… What an awful reminder.

The doctor got closer to me and asked: «Good afternoon, Shinozaki-san. How are you feeling?» I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it. If I want to talk again, I shouldn't try so much… The doctor nodded at me and handed me a notebook and a pen. «For the time being, use this,» he said. I nodded and wrote; "I'm okay. I'm just a little confused," before showing it to him.

«Ah… Then I should probably explain it to you,» he said. I nodded. «Your teacher told me that you collapsed after performing, even though you were having a really bad cold. Is that right?» he asked. I nodded and hovered my head downwards.

The doctor sighed and wrote down a couple of notes down on a paper. I lightly touched my throat pit with my fingertips and swallowed. My throat feels fine… It's just my voice.

«Well, you're allowed to leave the hospital now, but just call if you're not able to speak after February has passed. Don't push yourself and have some hot drinks to make your throat better. Otherwise, everything should get better on its own,» he said and smiled at me. Oh no… February?! December has barely started and now I have to wait two months?! I was at the edge of crying again and I struggled to keep them in. He was about to leave when I all of sudden grabbed his sleeve. I still didn't understand one thing.

«What is it?» the doctor politely asked. I quickly wrote down my question on the notebook and showed it to him: "How long have I been here?" He knitted his eyebrows together and explained: «You've been unconcious for almost two days, Shinozaki-san. And during that time, your boyfriend hasn't left the room for a second.»

I let out a low gasp at his quote. Not because of how long I'd been here. Not because Yoshiki hadn't left the room, even if that made me happy. But because of…

«You're allowed to leave now. Have a good day!» he said and exited the room. It was completely quiet. YoshikiYoshiki put his hand on mine and smiled at me. «That's right. 'Cause… I am your boyfriend after all,» he whispered and gave me that crooked smile I missed so much.

I had to cover my mouth with both hands to prevent myself from letting more and more gasps of happiness. Hot tears were building up as I quickly processed what Yoshiki had just said. Yoshiki reached out his hand towards me and put a strand of hair behind my ear.

«I know that it won't help with words… I know that excuses won't help either, even if I don't have any,» Yoshiki muttered. I cocked my head to the side questioningly. He earnestly looked into my eyes and said:

«I'm so… so sorry for breaking your heart! I know, I'm so awful for doing this to you… To Azusa…. But after what we've been through together, and after I heard you sing _my_ song…»

He moved the fingers that rested on my earlobe from the past action and caressed my cheek with it while saying:

«I want Rolling girl to continue being as awesome as she's always been. Even without her voice. Even if she doesn't have strong self-confidence. Even if she doesn't think she's good enough. Because, in my eyes…»

He put his lips close to my ear and whispered: «… You're still Ayumi Shinozaki. The girl I love so much that it's killing me.»

«… Hah… Haah…!»

I tightly clung to him, my heart swelling up because of his sweet words. I don't give a crap that the doctor said that I shouldn't talk. I want to call his name… so badly…!

«Can you forgive me…? Even if you won't be with me again, will you please… just forgive me?!» Yoshiki asked in a quivering while tightly hugging me. I felt his tears run down my neck. I desperately nodded over and over again, trying to get my point across.

«Ayumi… Do you want to try again? I promise you, I definitely won't mess up. I just… I don't need anything else. Just be with me and I won't ask for anything else!» he asked. I slackened my grip and moved my face closer to his with my cheeks stained with tears. His eyes were filled with sadness and affection.

Almost as if he could read my mind, he moved his face closer and closer, completely forgetting that there were other patients next to us. None of us minded. After these painful and long days without each other, we had a lot to make up for. But now… We just wanted each other.

I could almost feel Yoshiki's loneliness flow from him as our lips touched.

He snaked his arms around my neck and pulled me closer when he felt myself clutch my arms tightly into his broad back. I couldn't care less about my voice right now. I could give up everything right at this instant, because…

… These arms are all I ever wanted.

 ***3 months later***

«Alright class, you may be dismissed!» Yui sensei said, flicking the switch that made all of us run out the door in a second.

«Hey, is my mascara running? It's like we've been here for a half eternity!» Seiko groaned out. I smiled at her and shook my head. She just needed a simple answer, so there was no need for me to pick up the notebook in my pocket.

It was a Friday in March, three months after Yoshiki and I once again got together, hoping that we could start over without breaking any hearts around us. Even now, my voice still hasn't returned, which made Yoshiki call my doctor several times. He said that it was no way that I'd lost it for good. We just had to be patient. But it's easy to see that Yoshiki misses my voice.

«Have you two still not moved in together?! Are you kidding me?!» Seiko blurted out. I shook my head. He did suggest it one time, but we've decided to take it slow. «Geez… Oh well, we're still studying. Maybe you guys shouldn't start the adult act this soon,» she muttered. I nodded and smiled at him.

When we reached the porch by the academy, I waved and smiled at Yoshiki who was waiting there.

«Hey! The sakura trees are blooming like crazy!» Yoshiki yelled out like a little kid. Seiko laughed and smacked him on the head. «Such a child… I don't get how you managed to get this tall,» Seiko frowned. «WHAT WAS THAT?!» Yoshiki yelled, throwing his fist at her. Hehe, it's easy to see that the two of them are good friends…

«Well well, I'll leave you two love birds alone for now. Walk her home safely, Kishinuma! Seeya!» Seiko said, allowing Yoshiki to walk me home like usual. «Yosh, let's go!» Yoshiki chuckled and took a hold of my hand.

…

"You were right. The sakura trees have bloomed a lot all of sudden," I wrote down on the notebook and showed it to him. He started pouting and mumbled: «Was it really childish of me to point it out?» I shook my head and gave him a big smile. He scratched the back of his neck and smiled bashfully. Hehe… He's being so adorable. After such a harsh winter, there's no wonder that he thinks it's amazing to see them bloom again.

…

«Dang it… We're here already,» Yoshiki groaned out. I nodded and hovered my head towards the ground. «Oh well… As long as I get to see you tomorrow, it'll all be worth it,» Yoshiki said and lifted my face up with his fingers. I nodded at him.

Leaving me there in shock, Yoshiki planted a soft kiss on my lips before turning around.

«Bye, Rolling girl,» he said and waved. The warmth of his lips was perhaps partly the reason I grabbed his sleeve.

He turned his head around and asked: «What is it?» I just stood there and looked at him when I felt the silky, pink sakura petals rain down from the sky and land on my hair. The spring came… earlier than I thought.

I shook my head and let go of him, letting him leave. Yoshiki chuckled and ruffled my hair. «You're so adorable, Ayumi…»

That was the last thing he said before continuing to walk in the opposite direction. His hair just flowed in the fresh breeze, making him seem so much more angelic than usual. Maybe that was why I felt so much more safer… I smiled at him from behind and whispered:

«I love you…»

I pressed my lips together and hastily wiped away my tears. I watched his figure gradually fade in the distance as he kept walking. I straightened up my back and said a bit louder:

«I love you...!»

I told myself that day that I didn't need words to describe my feelings… But maybe this once it was okay? This winter was harsh. The harshest winter I've yet experienced. However, I forgot to remember that…

No matter how harsh the winter will be, spring will always come.

The harsher the winter will be, the more wonderful the spring will be.

 **THE END**

 **A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed Voiceless, the most dramatic story I've written thus far! When it comes to final thoughts, I would like your reviews to be… «detailed?» XD No no, jk. But I'm saying this, cuz I want my stories to be better and better each time. Not because I'm a review whore. But anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!**

 **UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**

 **Senpai's Boo is out ;3**


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